Iraqi Bride's Checklist: Send Out Invitations, Worry About Security
BAGHDAD, Iraq -- When their elder son was married two years ago, Mary Rose and Sabah Nasser invited 400 guests and rented out the posh Alawiya club for the reception. The family hired the best band around and danced into the morning. Then the wedding party cruised in cars around Baghdad clapping and singing. The happy couple honeymooned at the Rasheed Hotel, the best the city had to offer.
For weeks leading to the day of their younger son's marriage recently, Mrs. Nasser, a devout Christian, says she knelt before a framed poster of the Virgin Mary in her living room and silently prayed, "Please, Lord and Mother Mary, let there be no explosions on Ziad's wedding. Please, God, keep car bombs and guns away from us on Friday. Amen."
Every week, hundreds of Iraqis get married and start new lives. Almost every wedding has to accommodate the security nightmare gripping much of Iraq. Insecurity comes in many forms in Iraq these days: American military actions, terrorist attacks, and robbers and kidnappers targeting ordinary Iraqis for a profit.
Many families don't hold a celebration at all. Those that do usually take extraordinary measures to ensure their guests' safety. Iraqi weddings now start in the early afternoon, for tea or lunch. They end by 5 p.m. so guests can be home before dark.
In a culture in which flash and extravagance suggest social status, low profile is now the order of the day. Hair salons catering to brides open as early as 7 a.m. on Thursdays and Fridays, weekend days in much of the Muslim world that are popular for weddings, so brides can be ready for early afternoon fetes. Florists make house calls to decorate the bridal car, so they don't attract attention at their shops. Caterers and restaurants complain that they have to serve food in haste so guests can hurry home early. Bands grumble that playing in the blazing afternoon heat isn't cool.
"Weddings are supposed to be care-free, happy occasions," says Bassam Hannah, the director of the Engineer's Club, which rents out its banquet hall for weddings. "Now it makes me very uncomfortable and nervous to have weddings here. I sit in my office and look at my watch and want everyone to leave early."
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As for the wedding of Ziad and Rana Al-Bandar, the Nassers' son and new daughter-in-law, "Ninety percent of our planning was focused on security and safety. It was like I was preparing for a military operation instead of my own wedding," says Ziad, the 26-year-old groom, who studied computers in college but couldn't find a job and now owns a women's accessories shop.
The bride, Rana, an 18-year-old college sophomore who is studying pharmacology, was no more at ease on the eve of the big day. "I remember my friends who got married before the war were nervous about their dress, make-up and party. But I don't think about any of that. I wake up at night worrying whether the day will end safely."
The couple first planned to wed last year, in the spring. But the war broke out and they kept putting the date off. Security continued to deteriorate and, in January, they finally settled on June 18.
Rana's uncle, Dr. Samer Mikhail, who became her guardian after her single mother died two years ago, was anxious about the couple having a big party and tried to talk them out of it.
Ziad's family felt the same way. "I offered to give all the money for the party so they can go to Jordan or Syria and have a relaxing time together," says Sabah Nasser, a gregarious civil engineer educated in London. "Can you believe a father asking his son to take his joy and happiness somewhere else?"
But the pair were determined to have a party. "If we gave up our dream, it would equal defeat," says Ziad.
First, the couple kept the guest list to about 100 and settled for an early afternoon reception. Ziad spent days driving around the city checking out hotels and banquet halls for the reception.
He found that nearly all the nice halls were shut down or located in unsafe neighborhoods. All the good hotels in Baghdad have been taken over by foreigners -- mainly journalists and contractors -- and have been turned into fortresses encircled with concrete blast barriers and machine-gun-toting guards. At hotels, wedding guests would be required to pass through checkpoints and endure body searches. They would have to leave their cars outside and walk through hundreds of yards of labyrinthine barbed-wire passageways to reach the party.
A second option was to have the reception at Ziad's parents' house. The home, a beautiful old two-story house with a big well-tended garden, is in many ways perfect for the occasion. But it is located in a largely Sunni Muslim neighborhood, where loyalty to Iraq's former Baath regime is high and anti-American sentiment runs strong. They worried that one of the frequent U.S. military raids or an attack on U.S. troops might occur in their neighborhood during the reception. They also worried a noisy party could attract kidnappers or robbers who might follow guests when they left.
At last, the couple found a bland hall in an obscure alley in central Baghdad. It wasn't pretty, but it was just what they were looking for: no heavy fortifications, no armed guards, no foreigners and a banquet hall with a large generator to provide electricity in case of a blackout. "It's almost normal," joked Ziad.
To minimize the risk to guests of driving around Baghdad, the couple picked a church near the reception hall for the ceremony. They had to pass up the Nasser's church, which is near the family home and whose priest had married every male member of the family before Ziad.
But just as things were falling into place, a close call nearly caused Ziad to cancel everything. A week before the ceremony, he and his mother were driving to deliver wedding invitations to relatives when they heard gunshots. A car sped past them and gunmen opened fire on another vehicle parked on the side of the road. With masks over their heads and AK-47s in their arms, the men shot the driver, abducted the passenger and made off with the car. Ziad screamed for his mother to duck. She kept telling him to calm down. Afterward, he stopped on a bridge on the way home and sobbed.
"We don't want electricity, we don't want food. We just want our normal life back," said Mary Rose. "I want to go to my son's wedding and not be afraid of someone dying on the way."
On the day of her wedding, Rana woke up at dawn to get to the hairdresser by 7:30. Her maid of honor packed her a brown-bag breakfast. She didn't dare wear the gold jewelry Ziad and his family had given her as a wedding gift. The gold, along with her ring, traveled in a locked box hidden in the car. She donned it for the ceremony. Immediately afterward, it was removed, locked up and hidden once more.
Guests filed into the church at noon, in 120-degree heat, followed by a luncheon reception. When Mr. Nasser got out of his car, the banquet hall's doorman congratulated him. "Thank you," he said, before whispering to the man, "please be sure that no strangers park their cars around here."
Still, the couple and their guests danced with joy. "I want to forget I'm in Baghdad," said Ziad as he gyrated his hips to the beating drum of Arabic music.
By 6 p.m., after the guests and the bride's family had left, the couple sat in the Nassers' living room surrounded by his immediate family. They had decided it was too dangerous to stay at a hotel. American helicopters hovered nearby, and a faint sound of machine-gun fire could be heard in the distance.
"It wasn't perfect, but it was still our wedding and I had a great time," said Rana. Her husband squeezed her hand and smiled. "And there were no explosions, thank God," he added.
伊拉克新娘：安全比婚纱更重要
两年前大儿子结婚的时候，玛丽?罗斯(Mary Rose) 和沙巴?纳塞(Sabah Nasser) 夫妇俩邀请了400多客人，租了一流的Alawiya俱乐部来庆祝婚礼。他们还请了周围一带最出色的乐队来助兴，跳舞狂欢直到天亮。接著，大家又开车在巴格达城里兜风，一边拍手一边唱歌。新婚夫妇在巴格达最好的宾馆Rasheed Hotel幸福地度蜜月。
最近，离小儿子的婚礼还有几个星期的时间，纳塞太太--虔诚的基督教徒--说她跪在起居室的圣母玛丽亚像前默默祈祷。“圣母玛丽亚我的主，请保佑吉亚(Ziad)结婚的那天不要有爆炸。神啊，请让汽车炸弹和枪炮在星期五的时候远离我们。阿门。”
每个星期都有成百上千的伊拉克人结婚，从此开始新的生活。然而几乎每个婚礼都被笼罩在安全受威胁的阴影之下，而大多数的伊拉克人都带著这个噩梦过日子。这些日子以来，伊拉克人的生命受到各种可能的威胁：美国人的军事行动、恐怖袭击、针对普通老百姓的强盗和绑架者。
很多家庭乾脆取消庆祝活动。而那些仍然举行婚礼的家庭就要特别注意确保客人的安全。如今，伊拉克人在午后不久举行婚礼，喝茶或者吃午饭。下午5点前婚礼就结束，这样客人可以在天黑前回家。
在伊拉克人的文化中，他们喜欢炫耀、铺张，以显示自己的社会地位，而如今，大家都非常注意保持低调。在周四、周五和周末--穆斯林世界最喜欢用来庆祝婚礼的日子，专门为新娘服务的发廊早上7点就开门了，这样新娘可以为下午的婚礼作准备。花店的服务生上门来装饰新娘的花车，避免在花店门口太张扬。餐馆老板也抱怨说他们要以最快的速度上菜，好让客人赶紧吃完回家。乐队也牢骚多多，因为在烈日当头的下午演奏一点感觉都没有。
“婚礼本来是无忧无虑、喜气洋洋的时刻，”工程师俱乐部的经理巴沙姆?哈那(Bassam Hannah)说。这家俱乐部出租宴会厅作婚宴之用。“现在，如果这里举办婚礼，我总是很紧张，很不自在。我坐在办公室里，不停看手表，盼著人们快点离开。”
至于吉亚和拉娜?阿尔班达(Rana Al-Bandar)--纳塞家的儿子和新媳妇--两人的婚事，26岁的新郎吉亚说：“我们百分之九十的计划都围绕著安全问题，好像我是在准备一次军事行动而不是自己的婚礼。”吉亚以前在大学里读计算机，找不到工作，现在开了一家女性饰品店。
18岁的新娘拉娜是大学二年级学生，学习药物学。婚礼前的这段日子她无法安宁。“我记得，我的朋友在战前结婚时，她们很紧张自己的裙子、化妆和宴会，而我根本顾不上这些。我晚上会担心地醒来，不知道那一天能否平安度过。”
新人原来打算去年春天结婚，但战争爆发，他们不得不一再推迟婚期。安全状况继续恶化，直到1月份他们才最终决定在6月18日举行婚礼。
两年前拉娜的单亲母亲去世后，舅舅塞姆?米克海尔博士(Dr. Samer Mikhail)成了她的监护人。塞姆十分担心新人的婚礼太张扬，试图说服他们取消婚礼。
吉亚的家里人也这样想。沙巴?纳塞说：“我建议由我来出办婚礼的钱，让他们到约旦或叙利亚旅游，放松地度过这段时光。”沙巴是个民用工程师，很合群，在伦敦受过教育。“一个父亲居然让孩子把欢乐带到别处去享受，你能想象这种无奈的心情吗？”
但这对新人还是决定举行婚宴。“如果我们放弃了梦想，等于是希望的幻灭，”吉亚说。
首先，夫妇俩把客人人数控制在100左右，并决定在下午较早的时候举行婚礼。吉亚花了好几天时间开车在城里转，挑选合适的宾馆和宴会厅。
他发现，几乎所有合适的宴会厅要么关门要么位于不安全的地段。巴格达所有好的宾馆都被外国人占用了--主要是新闻记者和承包商，变成了一座座堡垒，周围围著水泥护墙，还有持枪的卫兵把守。宾馆里面，参加婚礼的客人都要经过安检和严格的搜身检查。他们要把车子停在外面，还要穿过几百码长、用带刺铁丝网围起来、像迷宫一样的通道才能到达宴会所在地。
另一个选择是在吉亚父母家的房子里举办婚礼。这所漂亮的两层老房子有一个精心料理的花园，从很多方面来看都是举办婚礼的最佳场所。美中不足的是，房子坐落的街区大部份居民是逊尼派教徒，他们大多忠于原执政党（伊拉克复兴党），反美情绪很高。他们担心婚礼举行的途中会发生美军袭击或者有伊拉克人攻击美军，这种情况在这个街区时有发生。他们还担心热闹的聚会会引起绑匪或强盗的注意，他们也许会盯上某个离开的客人。
最后，吉亚夫妇在巴格达市中心一条晦暗的胡同里找到一个舒适的餐厅，不漂亮，但正是他们要找的地方：没有戒备森严的防卫设施，没有荷枪实弹的卫兵，没有外国人，宴会厅里还有一个庞大的发电机，防止停电。“差不多是正常的样子，”吉亚开玩笑说。
为了尽量减少客人在巴格达开车兜圈的危险，夫妇俩选择在离婚宴厅不远的一个教堂举行仪式。他们不得已放弃了纳塞家常去的教堂--这所教堂离纳塞家很近，家里所有在吉亚之前结婚的男性成员的婚礼都是由这里的牧师主持的。
然而，正当事情按部就班地进行时，一次惊险的逃生几乎令吉亚取消了一切安排。举行仪式前的一个星期，他和母亲开车给亲戚们发请帖，忽然听到枪声。一辆小车从他们身边超过，持枪者向停在路旁的另一辆车开火。他们戴著面罩，手里端著AK-47，先是打死了司机，然后把里面的乘客绑上车，飞驰而去。吉亚尖叫著要母亲赶紧趴下。而她一个劲地叫他冷静。后来，在回家的路上，吉亚忍不住在一座桥上停下，失声哭起来。
“我们不需要电，不需要食物，我们只想要回正常的生活，”玛丽?罗斯说。“我只想安心地参加儿子的婚礼，不用担心路上有人死去。”
结婚那天，天一亮拉娜就醒了，7点半之前赶到发廊去。伴娘用牛皮纸袋给她装了一份早餐。她不敢戴上吉亚和他家人送给她作为结婚礼物的金首饰。这些金子和她的戒指一起被锁在一个箱子里，藏在车上带走，只有在举行仪式时才戴上，仪式一结束，马上就摘下来，重新锁好，藏起来。
客人在中午40多度的高温中一个跟一个地走进教堂，仪式过后是午餐会。当纳塞走下汽车时，门口的侍应生向他道贺。“谢谢！”纳塞说，接著悄声嘱咐道：“麻烦你留意不要让陌生人把车停在附近。”
然而不管怎样，新人们和客人还是高兴地跳起舞来。吉亚随著阿拉伯音乐的鼓点扭动著屁股，说：“我希望忘掉自己是在巴格达。”
到了6点，等客人和新娘的家人都离开之后，新婚夫妇坐在纳塞家的客厅里，周围是最亲的人。他们觉得呆在宾馆实在是太危险了。美国人的直升机在附近盘旋，远处还隐约传来机关枪的响声。
“情况不算完美，但至少是我们的婚礼，我过得很开心，”拉娜说。她的丈夫紧紧地握住她的手，微笑说：“感谢上帝，没有炸弹爆炸。”
