Gadgets, yes. But not stuck on yourear
Recently, I was sitting in a conference room listening to a sell-side presentation on E&P companies, thinking not about the subject at hand but rather technology - the sort we wear.
The salesman had arrived with electronics affixed to various parts of his body: a PDA and phone attached to his belt and a Bluetooth ear piece stapled to the side of his head. Before he started the meeting, he removed these devices and put them on the table in front of him.
At various points in his presentation, he realigned them. I found I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying; I was mesmerised by his relationship with his gadgets, the fact that he could not stop touching them.
Lacking instruction on wearing technology, we struggle with portability, sticking electronics to ourselves in ways that vitiate their gee-whiz quotient.
PDAs at rest (on a desk, for example) and PDAs in motion (on a belt) are two very different objects. One compresses space and increases opportunities to connect; the other is all about density and snacking on doughnuts. Snapped into place on a waist, the PDA immediately transforms the wearer from galactic voyager to tethered back-office schlub.
After the meeting, as we walked back to our desks, I ask Peter about wearing technology. "Did you notice . . . " I start.
" . . . that he could not stop touching his devices?" he finishes.
"That he arrived looking like a refrigerator with magnets attached? That the Bluetooth thing on his head looked like a flush handle for a commode?"
"Perhaps we have not yet evolved sufficiently to wear these things," I offer.
"There is a reason God invented pockets," he replies.
In my senior year of high school, one of my classmates, baiting a teacher who made her own jewellery, took to wearing a paper-clip necklace with a stapler, scissors and a roll of tape attached. I now see that he was one of the first to experiment with (and fail at) wearing his desk. Desks were never meant to be worn. Not as a necklace, anyway. Or on a belt.
Nothing looks good when attached to a belt. Waists are not a flattering place to store objects. I'm not sure how the belt became the de facto storage site for items designed to leave us "hands free".
The back pocket makes sense to me because (a) there is historical precedent (the wallet) and (b) it is already protruding. But there is only so much you can shove into your pockets. At the risk of sounding like a Second Amendment zealot, maybe a shoulder holster is the way to go.
I ask Deitch about this because I have seen him walking around the office with things on his belt and attached to his head.
"Of course I feel an ass when I wear that stuff but I pretend I don't," he says.
I am impressed by his capacious denial.
"When they invent the implantable chip that lets me hear the voice inside my head without any external object strapped on I'll get that," he adds.
"They have that already," I say. "It's called psychosis."
Susie Boyt is on maternity leave
被便携式产品奴役？
最
近，我坐在一个会议室里聆听关于E&P（勘探与生产）企业的卖方陈述报告，脑中所想的却不是手头的项目，而是科技――我们随身佩带的科技产品。
当那位销售员到来时，他身体多个部位配带着电子产品：腰带上挂着PDA和一部手机，耳边别着蓝牙(Bluetooth)耳机。会议开始前，他摘下这些设备，把它们放在面前的桌子上。
在他陈述的过程中，他不时重新排列它们。我发现我无法集中精力听他说话，而是被他和那些小玩意之间的关系给迷住了――事实上，他总是忍不住摸摸它们。
由于缺乏对便携式科技产品的使用规范，我们被它们的便携功能所困，把各种电子产品挂在身上，因而损害了它们其它的功能。
静止的PDA（比如放在桌上）和移动的PDA（比如挂在腰间），是两种非常不同的物件。前者压缩了空间，增加了联系机会，后者则完全与密度有关，让你看上去像甜甜圈一样臃肿。如果把PDA挂在腰间，佩戴者立即从一个星际漫游者变成一个饱受束缚的工作狂。
会议结束后，当我们走向自己办公桌时，我问彼得关于便携式科技产品的事。刚开口说：“你有没有注意到……”
“……他忍不住摸那些设备？”他马上接口说。
“他来的时候，看上去像不像一台粘满了磁性冰箱贴的电冰箱？他头上的蓝牙设备看上去像不像马桶的冲洗手柄？”
我提出：“可能我们还没进化到戴这些东西的时候。”
他答道：“上帝发明口袋是有原因的。”
在我上高中的时候，有个同学为了取笑一位自制首饰的老师，在脖子上戴了一串纸夹子项链，上面挂着一个订书机、一把剪刀和若干磁带。现在看来，他似乎是最早实验把自己的桌子随身携带的人之一（并且失败了）。桌子从来不是用来携带的。无论如何，既不能当项链戴，也不能挂在腰带上。
无论什么东西挂在腰间都不会好看。腰部不是供你炫耀设备的地方。我不知道腰带是如何成为那些供我们“解放双手”的物体事实上的存放处的。
对我来说，臀部的裤袋很有用，因为(1)存在历史先例（可以放钱包）；(2)它已经很突出了。但你能塞进口袋里的东西只有那么多。也许戴一副挂肩枪套是个办法，但这听起来像是一个《第二修正案》(Second Amendment)的狂热爱好者。
我之所以问戴奇(Deitch)这个，是因为我见过他腰带和头上戴着东西在办公室周围走动。
他表示：“当然，当我披挂那些东西时，我觉得自己挺傻的，但我会装作若无其事。”
他的宽宏大量给我印象颇深。
他补充称：“如果他们发明植入式芯片，让我无需佩带任何外部设备就能在头脑里听到声音的话，我会植入一个的。”
“他们已经拥有那种技术了，”我说，“它叫做精神病。”
