Plugged In, but Tuned Out: Getting Kids to Connect To the Non-Virtual World
When the phone rings at Susan Manion's house in Silver Spring, Md., her three children, ages 16 to 23, almost never answer it. "They know it won't be for them," says Ms. Manion. "They just let it ring."
Across America, a symphony of unanswered house phones reminds us that there's been a sea change within families. More than half of all teens now conduct their lives on their own cellphones, or in a zillion online "instant" conversations parents never see, according to studies by MindShare Online Research and the Consumer Electronics Association.
Children today have been labeled "the connected generation," with iPods in their ears, text messages at their fingertips and laptop screens at eye level. But their technology-focused lifestyle can also leave them disconnected from the wider world, especially from their parents.
Many teens won't give friends their home numbers, says Samantha Landau, 15, of West Hills, Calif. "They don't want friends to talk to their parents, because they don't want their parents to know about their lives."
It's easy to assume that these are just perennial generational tensions in new high-tech boxes. After all, baby boomers and their parents have endured an infamous culture gap. But technology has exacerbated the gulf between today's parents and kids in ways we need to notice. It's easier now for kids to function in their own closed societies, leaving them oblivious to adult culture.
People over age 40 grew up with just a few TV channels. We watched TV news -- at 6 p.m. it was the only thing on -- and soaked up the adult worlds of information and entertainment because that's all that was available. Now kids have their own worlds, their own channels.
I live in Michigan, and two days after Hurricane Katrina hit, I drove my 16-year-old daughter and her friend home from the movies. I mentioned Katrina, and this friend didn't even know there was a hurricane. She's a lovely girl and an A student, but for days, she had chatted online, watched her own TV shows, and saw no news of the tragedy. Her parents hadn't thought to tell her.
Samantha Landau says she mentioned new Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts to fellow students in her 11th-grade advanced-placement history class and most had no idea who he was.
Baby boomers knew newsmakers from their parents' and grandparents' generation because families watched Walter Cronkite and Ed Sullivan together. But most 20th-century legends are "dead brands" to kids today, youth marketers say. To them, historical figures are last season's reality-show contestants.
Certainly, young people today are entitled to their own heroes. And truth is, surveys dating back to 1915 show kids have always been uninformed about U.S. history. Still, today's parents often indulge ignorance. More than half of our kids have TVs in their rooms, according to a 2004 American Psychological Association report. "Yes, you can watch 'Pimp My Ride' on your TV," parents tell kids. "We'll watch the president's address on the kitchen TV."
One mother I interviewed refers to her son's bedroom as "the technology cave." He has a TV, computer, stereo, iPod and cellphone. She won't allow food in his bedroom because "that forces him out into the open with us."
There are other ways to bring techno kids into the wider world. For starters, immerse yourself in their world. Ask them to go online to help you find Katrina relief groups. Let them teach you complex videogames. Then be the adult and say it's time to turn everything off and come to dinner.
Dawson McAllister, whose faith-based teen radio program airs in 260 markets, says parents should interact with kids rather than lecture them. He used to give 55-minute talks at religious retreats. "Now if you can hold kids for 25 minutes, you're doing well. You also need video clips, and ways to involve them in the presentation. You have to be far more Oprah than Billy Graham."
Because kids multitask -- they'll instant-message six friends while watching TV and talking on a cell -- classroom instruction moves too slowly for them, says Alan Simon, superintendent of the Arlington Heights, Ill., School District. He calls the phenomenon "techno-tasking."
Yes, we should encourage kids to read books and newspapers. But we also must recognize that they collect information from unorthodox sources: blogs, cyber gossip, advertising, comedians. The Internet is filled with shady truths, and kids try to determine which outlets are trustworthy, says generational marketing consultant Ann Fishman. "If it's good, they go with it. If not, they don't. It's called 'Internet thinking.' They don't have a Walter Cronkite." We can help kids sort through the Internet cacophony by discussing with them what they find there, says Dr. Simon.
Six million young people are using America Online's Red service for teens, which is designed to ease parents' concerns by controlling Internet access. Still, AOL's service is purposely edgy, with its teen Q&A offering titled "Truth or Crap." A Web page called "True or False" wouldn't work for today's kids, says Malcolm Bird, senior vice president of AOL's youth area. "You have to speak to them in relevant terms." The lesson for parents: Even "safe" sites mimic the coarseness in our culture. Know what's there.
In North Granby, Conn., Kaycee Quinlan, 15, says she doesn't mind that her parents look over her shoulder when she's online. "I feel lucky to have parents who care," she says.
Her parents also have a quaint habit of trading not-so-instant messages with her -- sticky notes on the kitchen counter, often with scribbled hearts. "I'd way rather get those notes than cellphone messages from them," Kaycee says. "I come home, I'm alone, and when I see their handwriting, it's comforting."
电话通著，但却没人听
苏珊?马尼翁(Susan Manion)家里的电话铃响时，她的三个小孩从来不接。他们从16岁到23岁不等，“他们知道这不是找他们的，就让它这么响著。”苏珊说。
在美国非常普遍的家里电话无人接听的现象不禁让我们想到，家庭成员之间的关系已经发生了翻天覆地的变化。MindShare Online Research和消费电子协会(Consumer Electronics Association)的研究显示，十几岁的孩子中有一半以上或者生活在自己的手机世界里，或者在网上发送那些数不清的、他们父母根本别想看到的聊天信息。
今天的孩子们已成为“信息广博的一代”，耳朵上插著iPod，手里拿著手写短信设备，还有触手可及的笔记本电脑等。但他们被高科技环绕的生活方式也让他们远离了更加广阔的大千世界，特别是远离了他们的父母。
很多青少年都不给他们的朋友留家里的电话号码，住在加州的萨曼塔?兰道(Samantha Landau)说。“他们不愿意让朋友们与他们的父母交谈，因为他们不希望父母了解他们的生活。”
人们很容易将这看作是高科技外衣下古老代沟现象的延续。毕竟，婴儿潮一代与他们的父母就曾因存在代沟而闹得不可开交。但今天的高科技正以一些不容忽视的方式拉大父母与孩子们之间的鸿沟。孩子们现在更容易把自己圈在封闭的小圈子里，与成年人的文化格格不入。
40几岁的一代人在他们的成长阶段只有为数不多的电视频道可看。我们在下午六点钟通常都会看新闻，接触成年人的信息和他们的娱乐世界──这也是这一时段唯一播放的节目。现如今，孩子们有了自己的世界，也有了属于自己的频道。
我住在密歇根州，就在飓风卡特里娜登陆的两天后，有一次我驾车从电影院接我16岁的女儿和她朋友回家。当我提到卡特里娜时，我女儿的小伙伴竟然不知道有飓风到来。这是一个非常可爱的小女孩，一名考试拿A的学生，但那几天她一直都在网上聊天，看她自己的电视节目，对这场灾难一无所知。她的父母也从未想过要告诉她。
萨曼塔?兰道说，当她在11年级的历史课上提到最高法院新任大法官约翰?罗伯特(John Roberts)时，很多人竟然不知道他是何许人也。
婴儿潮出生的一代人可以从他们的父母和祖父母那里了解重大新闻，他们通常会一同坐在电视机前观看沃尔特?克朗凯特(Walter Cronkite)和艾德?苏利文(Ed Sullivan)的节目。但20世纪的传奇人物在今天孩子们的眼中多数“一文不值”，面向年轻人的营销人员说。在他们看来，历史人物就像上一季的真人秀(reality-show)英雄一样。
的确，现在的年轻人有他们自己崇拜的英雄。事实上，1915年以后的调查显示，孩子们对美国历史一直知之甚少。当然，今天的父母通常会纵容这种无知。美国心理学协会(American Psychological Association) 2004年的报告显示，有一多半的孩子自己房间里有电视。“是的，你可以在你的房间里看《改装我的车》(Pimp My Ride)”，父母对孩子说。“我们在厨房看总统演说。”
我接触的一位母亲曾经把她儿子的卧室叫做“科技房”。他有电视、电脑、音响、iPod，还有手机。不过她不允许儿子把食物带进卧室，这样可以强迫他走出房间，与父母有些接触。
也有其他方式可以把这些科技孩儿拉到更广阔的大千世界里。起码，你可以先进入他们的世界。让他们在网上帮你搜一搜卡特里娜的救援部队。让他们教教你怎么玩那些复杂的视频游戏。然后摇身一变变回父母，说，到吃饭时间了，关掉它们吧。
道森?麦卡利斯特(Dawson McAllister)的广播节目在260个市场播放，吸引了千千万万的青少年。他曾表示，父母应该与孩子们互相沟通，而不该总是说教。他曾经主持一个55分钟的宗教节目。“现在，如果你能把孩子留住25分钟，你就已经很不简单了。你需要拿出精彩的录像短片，需要有吸引他们听你演讲的本事。你还要多学学奥普拉(Oprah)，少拿格雷厄姆(Billy Graham)的口气来教育人。”
孩子们总是很忙──他们有时要在看电视的同时和6个朋友互发短信，还要拿著手机打电话──学校里的知识已经远远不能满足他们的需要，位于伊利诺伊州的School District的负责人艾伦?西蒙(Alan Simon)说
我们应该鼓励孩子们去读书和看报。但我们也必须认识到，他们也会从一些非正统渠道获得信息：例如他们会接触到一些网络日志、通过电脑散布的流言蜚语、广告以及闹剧等。互联网上的信息真真假假，孩子们也在试图辨别其真伪，市场顾问安?费舍曼(Ann Fishman)说。“如果是好的，就接受。不好的，就远离它。这就是'网络思维'。他们可没有沃尔特?克朗凯特来解说。”我们可以通过与孩子们谈论他们在网上的发现来帮助他们辨别是非，西蒙说。
目前有600万年轻人在使用美国在线(America Online)的Red服务，它专为青少年设计，可减轻父母对孩子们进入不良网站的担忧。当然，美国在线的服务被故意设计得大惊小怪，比如青少年访谈节目起名叫做“真理还是陷阱”。美国在线负责年轻人业务的副总裁马尔科姆?伯德(Malcolm Bird)说，一个以“真理与谬误”命名的网页恐怕很难吸引到孩子们的目光。“你必须用一个其他的相关术语跟他们交流。”而家长面临的问题是：就算“安全”的网站也可能存在一些文化糟粕。一定要真正了解它。
在康涅狄格州，15岁的凯茜?昆兰(Kaycee Quinlan)说，她并不介意上网的时候父母站在她背后。“我的父母对此感兴趣，我觉得非常庆幸，”她说。
她的父母还有一个奇怪的习惯，喜欢在厨房角落里贴上一些不能实时传达的小字条，而且经常配以一些胡乱勾画的心形图案。“与手机短信相比，我更喜欢这些小纸条，”凯茜说。“我回到家，一个人，当我看见他们亲笔写的东西时，心里感觉很舒服。”
