Perfect College Essay Takes Lots of Practice -- And Extra Help
Growing Industry Offers Kids
Camps and Online Advice;
Writing on 'Power of String'
MEDFORD, Mass. -- If 15-year-old Anna Zvagelskaya were a shoe, she writes, she would be pink, with a very pointy toe, a flared heel, straps and a diamond buckle.
It's five months before the application deadline at most elite colleges, and a year and five months before Ms. Zvagelskaya's application is due at Harvard, her top choice. But on a summer day here at Tufts University, the San Francisco high-school junior and a dozen other teenagers are enrolled in a two-week college-application camp, spending two hours a day in class -- and hours more each night -- crafting the essays that they hope will vault them to the head of the college queue.
"There are so many kids with perfect grades out there," says Ms. Zvagelskaya, who frets over "a few B's" on her transcript. "Your essay gives you an extra push, a chance to shine."
It isn't enough anymore for a seriously ambitious high-school student to load up on tough courses, compile a stratospheric grade-point average, prep for the entrance exams, and adorn a résumé with varsity letters, artistic accomplishments and community service.
The new deal closer in the eyes of students like Ms. Zvagelskaya is the application essay -- now at the center of a growing industry. Amazon.com lists 202 books of essay advice, including a compilation called "50 Successful Harvard Application Essays." ("I see my life as a mosaic," begins essay No. 46.)
Online essay services are flourishing, with "as many competitors as want to put up a Web site," says a spokesman for EssayEdge, which claims to be the biggest. For $299.95, an EssayEdge editor brainstorms essay ideas with a student by phone, then provides unlimited critiques of the paper in progress. "Harvard-educated editors" do the work, promises the company, a unit of information giant Thomson Corp., in its online pitch.
Kaplan Inc., the tutoring and test-prep company owned by Washington Post Co., offers six hours of college-application advice for $899, with counselors available by phone to help with essays, résumés and interviews. Kaplan and EssayEdge don't disclose how many students use their essay services, but Kaplan says there's "increasing interest."
At least three companies are marketing college-application camps this summer, typically offering hours of essay writing along with test-prep classes, interview rehearsals and college tours. Academic Study Associates Inc., of White Plains, N.Y., says it enrolled 118 students in its $2,895 college-application camps here at Tufts and on three other campuses this summer. When it first offered the program two years ago, it says, 30 teenagers signed up.
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All this is happening because the competition to get into elite schools is getting ferocious. Colleges are expecting 2.1 million new high-school graduates to enroll this fall -- 300,000 more than just eight years ago. The most prestigious colleges haven't added many extra seats to meet demand, though.
"Most of what we do is separating equals," says William Hartog, dean of admissions at Washington and Lee University, in Lexington, Va. He says he's making few decisions purely because of the essay. How a prospective student's talents help round out a class is more important. But among equals, he adds, the essay "could be a factor."
"This is my best chance to tell admissions officers I'm perfect for their school," says Emily Berg, who will be a senior at Branford High School in Branford, Conn., as the Tufts class adjourns with instructions to return with a finished essay in 48 hours. If that weren't reason enough, she adds, it's also "a chance to explain things, like why you didn't get an A" in an important course.
Such self-promotion is possible because few colleges ask direct questions in their essay prompts. The University of Chicago, which prides itself on being an exception, is asking this year's applicants for their observations on "the power of string." The university offers string cheese and Theseus's escape route from Labyrinth as possible places to start. Chicago's admissions dean, Theodore O'Neill, says the school is really asking "how does this person handle ideas?"
Hundreds of other schools use a 12-page standardized form called the Common Application that asks students to write 500 words about some "significant experience," important issue or influential character -- or to pick a "topic of your choice." That makes it easier for students to apply to lots of schools without changing their essays, but it also puts the pressure on teenagers to buff those 500 words to perfection.
As the Tufts class crowded around a study table, James Hughes, who teaches high-school English at Sacred Heart Preparatory school in Atherton, Calif., and is leading the Academic Study Associates program here, gave some advice.
"Show us something about yourself, not everything about yourself," he said. "You want to offer something only you could write," and "what makes it interesting is the detail," he added.
In this motivated, affluent group, words like "devilish," "monstrous" and "exemplary" work their way into rough drafts. A boy writes about his favorite street in Cannes. "Often, I imagine myself with a bushy tail, wet nose and a fervent inclination for fire hydrants," writes Marion Cory, who will be a senior at Great Falls High in Great Falls, Mont., writing from the point of view of a dog.
Sahil Rajvansh, who wants to attend the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School and has come from India for the Tufts camp, is writing about his bedroom -- his trophy case, his music system, his phone -- "as a reflection of my own self. A person should picture me when he reads it," the 16-year-old said.
Madelaine Eagon, admissions dean at Indiana's DePauw University, says she's irked that an industry is growing around the essay. Essay lessons lead to formula writing, she says, adding, "I hate it when anyone takes anyone else's money by building on their neuroses." Essay consulting "fuels the panic by saying if you don't do it, you must be crazy," adds Bruce Poch, vice president for admissions at California's Pomona College.
Other critics worry that expensive essay coaching gives rich kids yet another advantage over poor kids. Responds Mr. Hughes, the writing coach: "We're addressing the demands that have been put out there by the universities. It's easy for the [admissions] deans to frown on it, but it's part of a process they helped create."
Those deans say they usually can't tell when an applicant has used an essay service -- or a parent, for that matter -- to write an essay. But some, including Washington and Lee's Mr. Hartog, plan to "confirm the validity" of some essays by comparing them with students' results on the new SAT writing exam.
For their part, the essay services insist they don't actually do any writing. "We're not doing anything that a good high-school counselor or English teacher wouldn't do," says Linda Abraham, whose online company, Accepted.com, sells a $600 editing service or $150-an-hour advice.
EssayEdge says its editors generally have English, history or social-science degrees, although some are themselves undergrads. They all go through the company's online essay training, EssayEdge says.
Meanwhile, Ms. Zvagelskaya, of the pink shoe, plans to write a collection of practice essays before settling down to her final essay next summer.
What about the shoe? "It's a metaphor for who I am," she says. Pointy toes "go with business suits," and she wants to be a lawyer, she writes. High heels suggest intrigue, and there's so much about her that people don't know. And the diamond buckle: "I always find a way to shine," she says.
小文章催生培训新产业
如果自己是一只鞋的话，15岁的安娜?茨瓦格斯卡雅(Anna Zvagelskaya)写道，将会是这样的：粉色，鞋头很尖，鞋跟呈喇叭型，系鞋带，且带扣上镶有钻石。
现在距美国多数精英大学的最后申请期限还有五个月，而距茨瓦格斯卡雅向首选的哈佛大学(Harvard)递交申请的期限还有一年零五个月。但在塔夫茨大学(Tufts University)的这个夏日里，这名旧金山的中学三年级女生和另外十几名少年报名参加了一个为期两周的大学申请培训夏令营，他们每天接受两小时的课堂培训，而每天晚上要花更多时间精心撰写个人陈述──他们希望凭借个人陈述，能够跻身长长的大学入学申请者队伍的前列。
“成绩优异的学生有太多太多，”茨瓦格斯卡雅说，“个人陈述给了你一个脱颖而出的机会。”成绩单上的少数几个B让她感到焦虑不安。
如今对于一名志向高远的中学生来说，如果只埋头于艰涩的课程、获得一份高分的平均成绩单、拼命为入学考试做准备、并试图用体育比赛成绩、艺术成就和社区服务记录等来装点自己的简历，可都远远不够了。
如今像茨瓦格斯卡雅这样的学生开始更加关注个人申请陈述，而这也正是一个正在发展壮大的行业的核心内容。亚马逊(Amazon.com)列出了202本有关如何撰写个人陈述的书，其中包括一本名为《成功进入哈佛经典陈述50篇》(50 Successful Harvard Application Essays)的个人陈述汇编。（书中第46篇个人陈述是这样开头的：“我将自己的生活看作一副马赛克图案。”）
EssayEdge自称是个人陈述写作行业里最大的公司，该公司发言人表示，由于许多业内的公司都想建立网站，网上个人陈述写作服务正在蓬勃发展。该公司的编辑通过电话为学生撰写个人陈述出谋划策，然后在其撰写过程提供次数不限的修改意见，收费299.95美元。该公司在其网站上承诺，提供写作帮助的均为接受过哈佛大学教育的编辑。该公司是信息巨头Thomson Corp.的子公司。
Kaplan Inc.是华盛顿邮报公司(Washington Post Co.)旗下提供家教和考试辅导公司。该公司提供的6小时大学申请咨询服务收费899美元，包括通过电话获得咨询顾问有关个人陈述、简历和面试方面的帮助。Kaplan和EssayEdge没有披露使用其个人陈述写作帮助服务的学生数目，但Kaplan表示，“对此感兴趣的人越来越多。”
今夏至少有三家公司在推广大学申请夏令营，此类夏令营一般提供几小时的个人陈述撰写训练，同时还有备考培训、面试演练以及参观大学等内容。纽约州白原市(White Plains)的Academic Study Associates Inc.表示，有118名学生报名参加了该公司在塔夫茨和另外三所大学举办的大学申请夏令营，费用是每人2,895美元。两年前当该公司首次推出此类夏令营时，只有30名学生报名。
所有这一切，都是在精英大学入学竞争日趋白热化的情况下发生的。今年秋季，美国大学预计将总共招收210万名新的高中毕业生，比八年前多出30万人。然而，最负盛名的大学并没有为满足需求而额外增加很多名额。
华盛顿与李大学(Washington and Lee University)负责录取工作的主任威廉?哈特高(William Hartog)说：“我们所做的绝大部份工作是在同等水平的学生间进行挑选。”他说，他不会仅仅依据学生个人陈述而作出录取的决定。他说，学生的才华如何让课程变得丰满才是更重要的，但他补充说，在同等水平的学生之间，个人陈述“可能会是一个考虑因素”。
艾米丽?伯格(Emily Berg)表示：“个人陈述是告诉录取官我是他学校理想人选的最好机会。”她将成为康涅狄格州Branford High School四年级的学生，她所参加的塔夫茨课程给了学生两天的时间完成个人陈述。她补充说：“如果还不足以说明这一点，至少也是一个解释的机会，比如解释自己为什么在一门重要的课程上没有得A。”
做这样的自我推销是可能的，因为很少有大学会直接在个人陈述写作提示中问具体的问题。芝加哥大学(University of Chicago)是个例外，而且该校还为自己的特立独行而感到自豪，它给今年申请人提的问题是如何看待弦的力量。芝加哥大学负责录取工作的主任西奥多?奥尼尔(Theodore O'Neill)说，该校实际上要问的是“这个人怎样对待理论思想？”
另外几百家学校都使用一种称为“通用申请表格”的12页标准化表格，要求学生写500字的“重大经历”，重要观点或主要性格，还可以“自选话题”。这样，学生就可以申请许多学校，而不必每次都重写个人陈述了，但这也给十几岁的学生很大压力，他们必须力求让这500字的陈述完美无缺。
詹姆斯?休斯(James Hughes)是加州阿瑟顿Sacred Heart Preparatory学校的中学英语教师，也是塔夫茨学术学习协会(Academic Study Associates)项目的牵头人。面对紧紧围在桌前听塔夫茨课程的学生，他给出了一些建议。
“展示一些你自己的东西，不必面面俱到。”他说，“你想让我们看到唯独你能写出的东西，而引起人兴趣的是细节。”
在这个有明确目标驱动的富裕学生群体中，诸如“激进的”，“荒谬的”和“典型的”等词汇以各自独特的方式出现在个人陈述的草稿中。一个男孩写的是自己在嘎纳最喜欢的街道。“我常常想象自己长著毛茸茸的尾巴，湿乎乎的鼻子，对消防栓有著强烈的兴趣。”马里恩?可瑞(Marion Cory)写道。她将升入蒙大拿州大瀑布城的Great Falls High的四年级，这篇陈述是以一条狗的视角展开的。
萨希?瑞瓦士(Sahil Rajvansh)从印第安那州赶来参加塔夫茨夏令营，他希望进入宾夕法尼亚大学(University of Pennsylvania)的沃顿学院(Wharton School)。他描写了自己的卧室──他的奖牌，他的音响，他的电话──“这些是我的真实写照，读了它就能想象出我的样子。”这名16岁的学生说。
玛德莱娜?艺根(Madelaine Eagon)是印第安那州德堡大学(DePauw University)负责录取工作的主任。她表示，围绕个人陈述而兴起的这个行业让她感到头疼。她说，个人陈述课程导致写作模式化。她还补充说：“我恨那些利用他人的紧张情绪赚钱的人。”个人陈述咨询顾问们“声称如果你不参加咨询就没有把握，从而加剧了申请者的恐慌情绪。”加州波莫纳学院(Pomona College)负责录取工作的副校长布鲁斯?波什(Bruce Poch)说。
其他批评家担心，费用高昂的个人陈述指导使家庭条件优越的学生比贫穷的学生又增加了一项优势。对此，指导个人陈述写作的休斯表示：“是大学提出的要求催生了这个行业，大学（负责录取的）主任说不赞成很容易，但促成这种状况也有他们的原因。”
这些录取主任说，他们通常无法辨别申请人是否使用了个人陈述辅导服务，或在父母的帮助下完成陈述的写作。但一些大学，包括华盛顿与李大学(Washington and Lee)的哈特高表示，计划将一些个人陈述与学生的学术能力测验(SAT)写作成绩进行对照，以证实一些个人陈述的真实性”。
但陈述写作辅导人员坚称他们并不参与任何实际写作。经营网上个人陈述公司的琳达? 亚伯拉罕(Linda Abraham)说：“任何有职业道德的中学顾问或英语教师不做的事，我们也不会去做。”她的网上公司Accepted.com提供的一套编辑服务价格为600美元，或按每小时150美元计费。
EssayEdge表示，该公司的编辑一般都拥有英语、历史或社会科学学位，但该公司说，也有一些人自己还在大学就读。他们都接受过公司的在线个人陈述培训。
同时，将自己想象成粉色鞋子的茨瓦格斯卡雅打算在明年夏季个人陈述最终定稿前进行一系列的个人陈述练习。
她所写的鞋子有著怎样的含义？“这是一个关于我是谁的隐喻。”她说。尖尖的鞋头“代表了职业装”，而且她希望做一名律师。高高的鞋根预示著引起人们的兴趣，因为有太多关于她的东西不为别人所了解。至于钻石鞋扣，她说：“我总能找到让自己光彩夺目的方法。”
