Germans Are Trying All Manner of Ways To Improve Etiquette
Here are a few questions weighing on the minds of some Germans these days: What's the right way to make small talk? Is hand kissing ever appropriate in a business setting? How does one blow one's nose at the table?
With unemployment stuck at around 10% for months, economic growth weak and companies threatening to outsource jobs, some Germans are looking for answers in the little things -- like manners.
Nationwide, an etiquette push is on. The "Grand Manners Show," a one-time special, was the highest-rated German TV program the week it aired this past spring. In the show, rival groups of Germans -- including a team of well-heeled aristocrats and a group of motorcycle bikers -- competed over such questions as what to do when you find a hair in your soup (answer: ask the waiter to take the soup away) and what to do when your boss's fly is open at a meeting (answer: mention it to him or her at a "convenient" moment). The aristocrats won.
In some workplaces, "the simplest rules of co-existence are lacking," says Dieter Hundt , the head of the German Employers Association. Polls show many Germans agree, with some saying manners should be taught in the schools. The number of Germans investigated, reported or prosecuted each year for making insulting gestures or remarks to each other has more than doubled since 1990, government statistics show, leading the news magazine Der Spiegel to declare Germany a "republic of insults" earlier this year.
Outsiders are cringing, too. A Reader's Digest poll published by the magazine's United Kingdom edition this past summer rated Germans Europe's "least liked" people. A survey last year by the U.K.-based Caterer & Hotelkeeper magazine said Germans are the world's rudest tourists. In the summer of 2003, Italy's then-tourism minister caused a diplomatic row when he complained about Germans who he said "noisily" invade his country's beaches.
Michael Finkenzeller, a 27-year-old graduate journalism student at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz, recently took a one-day, seven-hour manners class. "I know how to behave, but not in all situations," he says. "There are so many. You come to a party -- who introduces who? I stand in the middle and say 'what do I do?' And eating all this complex stuff like lobster -- I don't have a clue."
The angst many Germans feel about their etiquette partly reflects fears about keeping up in the global marketplace. Employers are worried that a lack of manners can hurt productivity at home and prove downright embarrassing abroad. Employees are worried about job security, and are looking for ways to stand out in the workplace.
In a company, "a team can only function when all employees are dependable, reliable and deal with care. This can no longer be taken for granted, especially with today's youth," says Mr. Hundt of the employers association.
Now, in the western German region known as the Saarland, authorities have launched a campaign called "Things Go Better When You're Nice," distributing hundreds of booklets to schools that cover such topics as polite language, bad habits in public places, table manners and even how to dress.
"If somebody is old and on a bus, nobody stands up and says 'you can take my seat,' " says Annette Reichmann, a spokeswoman for Saarland's Ministry of Culture, Education and Science. "There has been a lack of [respect] in our society, and we wanted to restart a discussion about that."
In the wake of the success of the "Grand Manners Show," other shows about etiquette-impaired Germans are on the air or in the works, including "Fight for Your Woman," a program about German men seeking to win back the women in their lives by learning how to treat them nicely.
A number of recent self-help books also focus on manners. Among them: "Benimm ist In" (German for "Manners Are In") by Lorenz Schroeter. It offers tips on how to drive courteously on the Autobahn, how to behave properly in foreign countries and how to be tidy enough at the office to avoid co-workers' complaints.
The subject of good manners in Germany has a complicated history. After World War I, there was a backlash among many Germans against the courtly manners associated with the country's aristocracy. After World War II, some Germans questioned whether certain behaviors instilled in children by their parents -- bowing from the waist, clicking their heels -- had lulled young adults into a dangerously obedient mindset.
Then came the 1960s and the so-called '68 generation. Many of these Germans, born between 1940 and 1950, grew their hair long, protested in the streets against perceived injustices and took a more permissive view of child-rearing than their parents. Along the way, some traditions -- such as attending dance school in one's early teens to learn how to interact how with the opposite sex -- also waned.
"They didn't believe in boundaries, and they thought that children should be able to do what they want," says Mr. Schroeter, the author.
Not everyone wants to see local authorities and teachers preaching manners. "We'd rather have brash, critical and obstreperous young people any day than dull, deadened and assimilated ones like the kinds we know from earlier days in our history," Christian Klein, chairman of the Saarland chapter of Green Youth, an organization affiliated with Germany's left-wing Green Party, told a German newspaper last year. In a later interview, he said his allusion to the country's Nazi past was "a bit harsh" but says teaching manners should be left to parents, not schools.
Some parents want outside help. That's how Mr. Finkenzeller, the journalism student, ended up in an etiquette class run by Lis Droste, a former flight attendant. His father, Klaus Finkenzeller, 65, secured a spot for him after hearing about the class on a radio station. "I have life experience -- it's always good to have manners," he says.
Ms. Droste, 53, with a crisp speaking style, charges the equivalent of almost $350 for a seven-hour class, in which she covers such topics as avoiding "meaningless phrases" (like saying "gesundheit" after someone sneezes) and the importance of a firm handshake. Her clients include a number of German corporations.
"Business people have to go out to lunch or to restaurants," says Ms. Droste, who says she conducts between 50 to 70 seminars a year, double the level when she started a decade ago. Other business issues her guidebook addresses include introductions ("the higher-ranking person decides if he/she wishes to shake hands"); sending flowers ("beware of the implications of particular flowers, e.g. do not send red roses to the boss's wife"); and how far away to stand when shaking someone's hand (between one half and one meter, or about 19-39 inches).
Mr. Finkenzeller -- seated at the opposite end of a long dining-room table while Ms. Droste held court on a recent Saturday -- struggled with some of her rules. He rolled his eyes and grimaced after she told the class not to blow on their soup.
"I think it's stupid. It takes a very long time to eat food like this," he says. He looks across the table to his classmate, Susanne Jaeger, who nods. "You'd never order something like this at a business meal," she says. But by the end of class, Mr. Finkenzeller says he feels better for having attended. "My father will be glad, too. He's waited so many years for me to be well educated." 德国人努力使自己更文明
这段时间，一些德国人的脑海里琢磨著这样的问题：闲聊的恰当方式是什么？在商务场合吻女士的手是否还合适？在餐桌上怎样擤鼻子？
近几个月来，德国失业率一直在 10% 左右徘徊，经济增长疲软，许多公司还威胁著要把工作机会外包出去。在这样的形势下，德国人开始在一些小事情上寻求答案，比如礼仪。
一股礼仪学习热正在德国全国范围内兴起。今年春季，一个电视特别节目《文明礼貌大比拼》 (Grand Manners Show) 成为播放当周收视率最高的德国电视节目。在节目中，各竞赛小组（包括一组富有的贵族，和一组摩托车骑手）比赛回答各种问题，例如：假如发现汤里有一根头发该怎么办（答案是让服务生把汤端走）、开会时发现老板的裤链开了怎么办（答案是在“适当的时候”告诉他 / 她）。最后贵族组获胜。
德国雇员协会 (German Employers Association) 主席迪特尔?亨德 (Dieter Hundt) 说，在某些工作场合，人们“连最简单的和睦共处的规矩都没有”。民意调查显示，许多德国人都同意这个观点，有些人还认为学校应该开礼仪课。政府统计数字显示，自 1990 年以来，每年因做出冒犯性动作或是出言不逊而被调查、报导或起诉的个案翻了一倍，以至于今年初《明镜周刊》 (Der Spiegel) 称德国为“无礼的国度”。
外国人对此也深有同感。今年夏天，《读者文摘》 (Reader's Digest) 英国版发表了一份民意调查，德国人被评为欧洲“最不受欢迎者”。根据英国 Caterer & Hotelkeeper 杂志去年的一次调查显示，德国人被认为是世界上最粗鲁的游客。 2003 年夏天，当时的意大利旅游部长因抱怨德国人“吵吵闹闹地”闯进他们国家的海滩而招致了一场外交纠纷。
美因茨 (Mainz) 约翰内斯古滕贝格大学 (Johannes Gutenberg University)27 岁的新闻系研究生迈克尔?芬克泽勒 (Michael Finkenzeller) 最近上了一天、 7 个小时的礼仪课。“我现在知道怎样待人接物了，但并非所有场合都懂得，”他说，“规矩太多了。参加晚会时，谁介绍谁合适呢？我站在中间，说‘我该怎么办？'这些东西太复杂了，让我无从下手。”
许多德国人在礼仪方面的焦虑部分反映了他们害怕跟不上全球市场发展步伐的担忧。雇主们担心缺乏文明礼貌会伤害在国内的生产能力，在国外也会屡遭尴尬情形。而雇员则担心工作不保，想方设法在工作中表现突出。
在一个公司中，“只有当所有成员都表现出可靠和谨慎的品质时，一个团队才有战斗力。人们再也不能以想当然的态度对待，尤其是如今的年轻人，”雇员协会主席亨德说。
在德国西部的萨尔州地区，当局发起一次“文明待人，生活更好”的活动，给各学校派发了几百本小册子，涉及的主题有礼貌用语、公众场合的坏习惯、用餐礼仪等，甚至包括怎样穿著。
“汽车上碰到老人，居然没有人站起来说‘坐我的位置吧！'”萨尔州科学文化教育部发言人安妮特?赖克曼 (Annette Reichmann) 说，“我们这个社会缺乏对人的尊敬，我们希望能引起人们对这个问题的讨论。”
《文明礼貌大比拼》获得成功后，其他以德国人礼貌水准下降为主题的节目也陆续播出，或是在筹备中。“为你的女人而努力”就是其中一个这样的节目，节目内容是一些德国男士通过学会怎样善待女士而重新赢得她们的芳心。
近来一系列自助书也把焦点对准礼仪问题，例如洛伦茨?施罗德 (Lorenz Schroter) 写的《文明礼貌正流行》 (Benimmist In) 。这本书为读者提供许多礼貌方面的小提示，如高速公路上如何文明行车、在外国怎样做到举止得体、在办公室如何保持整洁而避免同事的抱怨等等。
良好的礼仪这个问题在德国的历史有点复杂。一战后，许多德国人对宫廷贵族幽雅的礼仪产生了强烈抵触情绪，而在二战后，一些德国人质疑家长灌输给孩子的某些行为 -- 如鞠躬、立正 -- 是否导致了年轻成年人顺从的性格倾向。
接著是 60 年代和所谓的“ 68 一代”。许多这一代的人出生在 1940 和 1950 年之间，留长发，上街抗议他们认为不公平的事物，养儿育女方面的观念比他们的父母要宽容一些。在这个历史过程中，某些传统渐渐衰落了，例如过去的小孩十来岁时上舞蹈学校学习怎样和异性交往。
“那时，他们不相信什么约束，他们认为孩子应该想做什么就做什么，”作者施罗德说。
并不是每个人都愿意听从政府和老师说教的那套东西。“我情愿跟冒失、吵闹、愤世嫉俗的年轻人打交道，也不愿意跟那些死气沉沉、毫无特色的人来往，他们就像在我们的历史中曾经出现过的那类人一样。”德国左翼绿党 (Green Party) 的分支机构绿色青年组织 (Green Youth) 萨尔州分部的主席克里斯琴?克莱因 (Christian Klein) 去年接受一家德国报纸采访时说。在后来的一次采访中，他承认，暗示现在这种全民学礼仪的风潮有过去纳粹的作风是“有点刻薄”，但教孩子文明礼貌是家长的事，不是学校的事。
一些家长需要外部帮助。这就是新闻系学生芬克泽勒怎么会去上礼仪课的原因。开课人利斯?德罗斯特 (Lis Droste) 以前是飞机乘务员。芬克泽勒 65 岁的父亲克劳斯?芬克泽勒 (Klaus Finkenzeller) 从电台听到课程班的消息后赶紧给儿子订了个位置。“我个人有亲身经验 -- 懂礼貌总是好的，”他说。
53 岁的德罗斯特快人快语，她开设的 7 个课时的课程，收费相当于 350 美元左右。课程涉及的问题包括避免“毫无意义的句子”（比如别人打喷嚏后说“保重” (gesundheit) 、有力的握手的重要性等等。许多德国公司都是她的顾客。
“商务人士不得不出外吃午饭或上餐馆，”德罗斯特说。她每年开设 50 到 70 个培训班，是十年前创业时的两倍。她编写的指导书还涉及其他商务礼仪内容：介绍（“由级别较高的一方决定是否想握手”）、送花（“要知道某些花的特别含义，比如不能送红玫瑰给老板的太太”）、跟人握手时应保持多远距离（半米和一米之间，约 19-39 英寸）。
在德罗斯特最近一个星期六的课上，芬克泽勒坐在一张长餐桌对面的一头，努力掌握她教授的一些规矩。当德罗斯特告诉全班同学不能用嘴吹汤时，他翻了翻眼珠，做了个鬼脸。
“我觉得这很愚蠢，像这样吃饭要花很长时间，”他说。他看看桌子另一头的同学苏珊娜?贾格尔 (Susanne Jager) ，苏珊娜冲他点点头。“在商务餐上永远都不要点这样的菜，”她说。但课后芬克泽勒说，他现在对参加这个课程的感觉好多了。“我爸也会高兴。他等了好多年，终于看到我变得有教养了。”
