New Tribute Albums: Grieving Seniors Find Solace in Their PCs
BLOOMFIELD HILLS, Mich. -- Kenneth Roberts is an old man with a broken heart and an armful of compact discs. He shuffles from table to table at Leo's Coney Island restaurant, asking strangers whether they'd like to learn about his late wife, Josephine.
"She was in my life for 55 wonderful years, and I miss her so much," he says as he hands out the free CDs -- an audio version of his self-published book, "Remember My Jo." Everyone is polite and curious as the 79-year-old retiree recounts what his wife meant to him. The photo of Mrs. Roberts on the CD shows a strikingly attractive young woman, circa 1943. "She was just as beautiful on the inside," Mr. Roberts tells everyone. "I want the whole world to know that."
He stops in this restaurant frequently as he tours the community asking people to "remember Jo." His devotion to Mrs. Roberts, who died in 1996, is now legendary here. "It's every woman's dream to have a guy like him," says waitress Mona Aleidaroos, 24. Fellow waitress Marlene Arya, 42, adds: "He loved her more than any man has ever loved a woman."
For widows and widowers today, technology is making it easier to celebrate their late sweethearts. As older people get more comfortable on their home computers, they're making video montages, burning CD tributes, building memorial Web sites and tapping out their love stories, which they self-publish at their local photocopy stores. More than 50 Internet companies have made passes at the online remembrance business, allowing people to post memories and photos of deceased spouses.
In Los Angeles, Jack Selley, 79, proudly promotes the "video biography" of his wife, Maryanna, an artist who died in 2000. The video is one of 14,000 "life stories" created by Hollywood Forever Cemetery, where his wife is buried. It cost Mr. Selley $2,000 and appears on touch-screen consoles at the cemetery and on Forevernetwork.com (
www.forevernetwork.com). "Being able to tell people about Maryanna, it's a wonderful miracle," he says.
In Bridgeview, Ill., Cathy Siciliano uses Legacy.com to pay tribute to her husband, Tony, who died in 2001 at 76. She even logs on to write to her husband directly. "It sounds crazy, but when I talk to him, I feel he's closer to me," she says, adding, "I want people who never knew Tony to read about him and see what a great man he was."
Mr. Roberts has the same motivations, on an unusually grand scale. The suburban home he shared with Mrs. Roberts has become a one-man factory in her honor. Seven spools hold scores of CDs that he makes each morning on his computer. There's a box of Rubik's cubes with Mrs. Roberts's photos on them. Stacked everywhere are "Remember My Jo" cassettes, flip-books of her photos and postcards pitching Remembermyjo.com (
www.remembermyjo.com). Mr. Roberts, who worked as a technician for Chrysler Corp. and Marathon Oil Corp., has spent $100,000 on "Jo" projects, about a quarter of his savings.
He knows that some people think he's beyond obsessed. He agrees with them. "I'm a ridiculous old man," he says. But this is his way of channeling his grief. "I've written to Bill Gates to thank him for all the computers, so everyone in the world can know Jo."
Mr. Roberts first met his wife when she was 16 and working at an ice-cream parlor. He was 17. Floored by her beauty, he felt blessed by her interest in him. "I just tried to be worthy of her love," he says, describing her as a delicate, moral, hard-working girl who was so uncomfortable with profanity that she'd say "hi" to avoid saying the "hell" in "hello." To Mr. Roberts, she was perfect; she even looked good eating spaghetti. They fell in love to the sounds of Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller.
Trained as a pilot, Mr. Roberts went off to the Pacific during World War II, dubbing Jo his "co-pilot." The couple traded 2,000 letters during the war, all of which he saved. He loves reading them now "because her voice is still in the words."
While overseas, he didn't like displaying her photo because "it would draw too much attention" from other soldiers. Now her photos are everywhere: on his car, on his mailbox, on "Jo" candy boxes. He'd fly her image on a blimp above his house if he could, says his neighbor, Helen Rowe.
After the couple married in 1946, Mrs. Roberts had two miscarriages. Still, her doctor assured her she'd be able to have children. At one checkup, he gave the couple Champagne. "He told us, 'Go home and have a dozen kids,' " recalls Mr. Roberts. "But it never happened." The couple cared for five foster children over the years, while Mrs. Roberts worked as an executive secretary at Chrysler.
In 1960, the couple invented a toy called "Solar Orbit," a hula-hoop-like contraption with a rotating "twirl-a-ball." They advertised it on TV, sold three million toys, and earned $120,000. They did well investing the windfall, which now helps fund the projects and charitable efforts in Mrs. Roberts's name.
In 1996, Mrs. Roberts was hospitalized with pain that turned out to be related to cancer. A hospital orderly, walking her to a bath, accidentally let her fall, breaking her hip. She died a few days later at age 71.
In his grief, Mr. Roberts visited two nuns who told him it might be therapeutic if he found ways to tell others about what made Jo special. And so an obsession was born.
The couple's estate planner and attorney, Armand Velardo, figures Mrs. Roberts would be overwhelmed by what Mr. Roberts is doing. "She'd say, 'I knew you loved me, Ken, but I didn't think you loved me that much!' " Mr. Velardo doesn't try to dissuade his client from spending his savings on "Jo" projects. "He's competent, it's good therapy for him, and it reminds other people how precious life is," the attorney says.
Diane D'Agostini, a district judge, agrees. She was campaigning door to door when she first met Mr. Roberts in 2000. She asked for his vote. He asked her to remember Jo. Fascinated, she spent 80 minutes in his house as he tearfully told his story. "It's sad, but in a beautiful, uplifting way," she says.
Joyce Woody, a creative-writing teacher who helped Mr. Roberts structure his book, calls him "Johnny Appleseed, spreading a message that love conquers all." Still, she's troubled by his focus on the past. "It's because there are no children or grandchildren to love," she says.
A part of Mr. Roberts recognizes that he must reach into the future. He once spoke about Jo at a nursing home. Three residents were wheeled in sleeping, sat through his presentation and were wheeled out, still sleeping. Such experiences led him to focus on younger people. He encourages them to listen to "Jo" CDs in their cars. A few shoo him away, but most are interested and respectful.
At Leo's restaurant one afternoon, he approached several tables of teenagers. "You must have lived a wonderful life together," said Ali Pullman, 13. At another table, postal worker Morrey Weinner, 55, called Mr. Roberts an inspiration. "I'm going to try a little harder in my marriage now," he said.
After working the dining room, Mr. Roberts sat down and ordered a chili dog. He explained that he cherishes these lunchtime opportunities to talk to others about his wife. His nights are harder. Before bed, he longs to have a dream about Mrs. Roberts. "I don't know why," he said, "but I never do."
丧偶老人寻寄托，科技手段寄哀思
肯尼斯?罗伯茨(Kenneth Roberts)是一位心碎神伤的老人。在里奥斯餐馆，他抱著一堆光碟穿梭于各张餐桌间，询问陌生人是否愿意了解他已故的妻子约瑟芬(Josephine Roberts)。
罗伯茨一边发放免费的光盘，一边告诉人们，他的妻子陪伴他度过了宝贵的55年，他特别思念故去的爱妻。这些光盘上录制的是罗伯茨自己出版的书《怀念约瑟芬》的语音版。在79岁的老人罗伯茨讲述他的爱妻的时候，每个人都彬彬有礼，并充满好奇。在光盘的封面上，人们可以看到一位充满魅力的年轻女性，那是罗伯茨夫人摄于1943年的照片。罗伯茨告诉人们说，他的妻子内心和外表同样美丽，他希望全世界的人都知道这一点。罗伯茨来这一带旅游的时候经常在这家餐馆停留，希望这里的人们也能纪念约瑟芬。罗伯茨夫人于1996年去世，他对亡妻忠贞的爱已经成为这里的一段传奇。餐馆24岁的女招待莫娜?阿雷达露丝(Mona Aleidaroos)表示，找到像罗伯茨那样忠诚的丈夫是每个女人的梦想。另一位女招待42岁的马莱妮?阿雅(Marlene Arya)补充说，罗伯茨对妻子的爱胜过所有男人对女人的爱。
对于如今的鳏夫和寡妇来说，科技的发展使他们能更容易地悼念自己逝去的爱侣。上了年纪的老人们在家里的电脑前能得到很多的安慰，他们可以制作录像剪辑、刻录悼念的光盘、建立纪念网站，或者通过在当地的影印社出版自己的书来讲述过去的爱情故事。已经有50多家互联网公司在网上开辟了悼念业务，允许人们张贴悼念逝去爱侣的文章和照片。
来自洛杉矶的79岁老人杰克?塞利(Jack Selley)很骄傲地推出了他妻子的“录像传记”。他的妻子玛丽安娜(Maryanna)是一位画家，于2000年去世。这个纪念玛丽安娜的“录像传记”是她所长眠的公墓Hollywood Forever Cemetery推出的14,000套纪念品之一。这部“录像传记”让塞利花费了2,000美元，它还出现在公墓的触屏式屏幕和Forevernetwork.com网站上。塞利说，“能够跟人们讲述玛丽安娜的故事，真是个了不起的奇迹。”
在伊利诺伊州布里奇维尤，凯茜?西西里亚诺(Cathy Siciliano)用Legacy.com网站来表达对丈夫的哀思。她的丈夫托尼在2001年去世，享年76岁。凯茜经常登陆Legacy.com网站给亡夫写信。“这听起来有点荒唐，但当我给他写信时，我感到他离我更近了，”她说，“我希望不认识托尼的人也能读到他的故事，了解他是多么好的一个人。”
肯尼斯?罗伯茨也有同样的想法，但他行动的规模非同小可。他和妻子原来在郊区住的房子已经变成他纪念爱人的加工厂。肯尼斯每天早上都在自己的电脑前制作光盘，他的作品已经盛满了7大盒。他的房间里还有个巨型的魔方式盒子，上面贴满了罗伯茨夫人的照片。房子里到处堆满《怀念约瑟芬》的盒带、装著她的照片的影集以及与Remembermyjo.com纪念网站相关的明信片。肯尼斯退休前曾经是克莱斯勒公司(Chrysler Corp.)和Marathon Oil Corp.的技术人员，他在纪念妻子的项目上已经花费了10万美元，约占他全部积蓄的四分之一。罗伯茨很清楚有些人会认为他过于沉湎过去了。他对此并不否认。“我是个荒唐的老人”，他说。但这是他表达悲痛的方式。“我曾经给比尔?盖茨(Bill Gates)写信，感谢他对电脑业的贡献，这使全世界的人都能够了解我的约瑟芬。”
罗伯茨17岁时与约瑟芬初次邂逅，当时她16岁，在一家冰淇淋店工作。罗伯茨一下子坠入爱河，而美人的垂青也令他受宠若惊。罗伯茨说，他希望自己能配上她。据他的描述，他的妻子是个优雅、自律、勤勉的女孩，为了避免使用包含“hell”(地狱)的单词“hello”，她在打招呼时只说“hi”。在罗伯茨的眼里，约瑟芬是完美无瑕的，就连她吃通心粉的样子也让他著迷。
在第二次世界大战期间，罗伯茨接受了飞行员训练，飞赴太平洋战场。他把约瑟芬称为“副驾驶员”。在战争期间，他们通了2,000多封信，所有信件罗伯茨都还保留著。他如今还喜欢读这些信，因为“字里行间都留著她的声音”。
在海外作战的时候，罗伯茨不愿向人展示恋人的照片，担心那会“引起其他战士太多的注意”。现在，处处都是约瑟芬的照片：汽车上、邮箱上、糖果盒上，随处可见。罗伯茨的邻居罗薇(Helen Rowe)说，如果可以的话，罗伯茨会把妻子的照片印到飞艇上，让它在屋顶上空漂浮。
罗伯茨和妻子在1946年喜结连理，婚后罗伯茨夫人曾两次流产。然而，她的医生认为她还可以生孩子。在一次检查后，医生告诉罗伯茨夫妇一个喜讯。“他对我们说，回家生一大群孩子吧。”罗伯茨回忆道，“但结果我们未能如愿。”他们多年来共收养了5个孩子，罗伯茨夫人一直在克莱斯勒公司担任高级秘书。
1960年，罗伯茨夫妇发明了一种称作“太阳轨道”的玩具，这是一种好像呼啦圈一样的玩意，上面有个可转动的球。他们在电视上做广告，卖出了300万个玩具，赚了12万美元。这笔钱的投资所得现在成了以罗伯茨夫人的名义开展的活动和慈善事业的资金。
1996年，罗伯茨夫人因病痛住院，后来发现是癌症。当医院的护工扶她去洗澡时她意外摔倒，摔伤了髋部。几天以后，罗伯茨夫人去世，享年71岁。
罗伯茨陷入了悲痛之中，他去拜访了两位修女，她们告诉他，如果他能找到办法向别人讲述约瑟芬的独特之处，可能会治疗他的伤痛。于是，罗伯茨开始沉迷此道了。
这对夫妇的律师兼不动产策划者维拉多(Armand Velardo)认为，如果罗伯茨夫人知道她丈夫的所作所为一定会感到惊讶。“她可能会说：肯，我知道你爱我，但没想到你爱得那么深！”维拉多并没有试图说服他的客户放弃把积蓄花费在纪念约瑟芬的项目上。这位律师表示，这对罗伯茨来说是很有效的疗法，而且还提醒了其他人生命是多么宝贵。
一位地区法官达戈斯蒂尼(Diane D'Agostini)表示赞同。当2000年她第一次遇到罗伯茨的时候，她正挨家挨户地游说拉选票。她希望罗伯茨投她的票，而罗伯茨要求她纪念约瑟芬。戴安娜被罗伯茨的故事深深吸引，她花了80分钟呆在罗伯茨的大房子里，听他泪流满面地讲述往事。她说，“故事很悲伤，但非常美，并令人感到鼓舞。”
乔伊斯?伍迪(Joyce Woody)是一位教授创造性写作的老师，她曾帮助罗伯茨撰写纪念约瑟芬的书。她认为罗伯茨传达了一个信息，那就是“爱可以战胜一切”。但她还是认为罗伯茨不该过于沉湎往事。她表示，这是因为罗伯茨身边没有子孙可以疼爱。
罗伯茨也意识到他必须面对未来。他曾经在一家保育院里讲述约瑟芬的故事，有3个住院者在轮椅上被推进来的时候就在睡觉，而在他的讲述结束后，他们被推出房间的时候仍在沉睡。这样的经历使罗伯茨更喜欢找些年轻点的人。他鼓励年轻人在他们的汽车里听纪念约瑟芬的光盘。尽管偶尔会遭到拒绝，但大多数年轻人很感兴趣，而且态度恭敬。
一天下午在里奥斯餐馆里，罗伯茨向几张餐桌的年轻人讲述了他的故事。“你们一定度过了非常精彩的一生，”13岁的艾莉(Ali Pullman)说。而另一张餐桌55岁的邮递员维纳(Morrey Weinner)则大受启发，“从现在开始我要更努力地对待婚姻。”
在餐馆忙了一阵后，罗伯茨坐下来，点了一份热狗。他解释说，他很珍惜午餐这个机会，可以向别人讲述自己妻子的故事。对他来说，夜晚很难熬。在睡觉前，他总是希望能与妻子在梦中相会。“不知为什么，”他说，“这样的梦从来也没出现过。”
