Friends Come and Go As Expat Families Relocate
This is the transient time of the year in a notoriously transient community. School is out, summer is here and people are on the move. Friends and acquaintances have departed or are preparing to depart for: Shanghai, Kuala Lumpur, Seattle, Tasmania, Washington D.C., Guangzhou, Stockholm and elsewhere. These people are both returning home and moving on to their next assignment, in approximately equal numbers.
People who have lived this lifestyle for a long time manage to shrug it off, attending one bon voyage party after another then moving on. As expat newbies, this is a little more difficult -- the volume of movement is quite disconcerting -- but what else can you do? It's not always so simple for the children.
My eight-year-old son Jacob recently turned to me and said, "Three of my best friends are leaving."
"Yeah," I said. "I know you will miss Michael, Andrew and Javier a lot, but…"
"Javier's not leaving. I'm talking about Charlie. With Andrew gone, I am going to have to be Javy's best friend."
I had never even heard of Charlie but I realized that I had to break the news that Jacob's dear friend, Javier Wong, was decamping for California.
"Uh, sorry, Jacob, Javier is leaving, too. I thought you knew that."
He looked crushed, like his breath was taken away, and I felt his pain. When we moved here last August, Jacob immediately bonded with Andrew Moy, the son of Rebecca's colleague, Kathy Chen, and Andrew's longtime best friend, Javier. The two boys let Jacob into their inner circle and the trio's closeness has never wavered.
Liming Wong
Best friends Andrew, Jacob and Javier.
Javy and Andrew have grown up together and they go everywhere seemingly as one. I had wondered how the two will fare apart, with Andrew moving to D.C. while Javy heads to the Bay Area. Until this moment, however, I hadn't fully realized how deeply their departures would affect my own son. They have been like brothers to Jacob, and it is hard to replace that kind of unspoken, understood closeness.
As hard as it will be for Jacob to see his dear friends go, I suspect the departing boys will have a harder time. Javier has lived here his whole life, and Andrew since he was four. Their passports are American but Beijing is home and they are fully comfortable in their school, their friendships, and their lives. Both will be going through a transition and adjustment to a new home every bit as real as the one we all go through when arriving here.
Meanwhile, another type of exodus is also under way; movers, packers and giant shipping containers clog the lanes of our housing compound and incoming or prospective newcomers prowl the streets clutching relocation guides, real-estate agents by their sides. Many families are packing their bags and boarding planes for extended summer breaks back in their homelands. In most cases, the wife and kids head out while the husband stays here alone, usually joining them at the end of the summer for two or three weeks, or however much time he can get away from work.
The expat-heavy housing compounds around here began noticeably emptying out a few weeks ago, within days of the international schools letting out. Our kids' school was the latest finishing; the last day was Friday, June 23, and we had friends on planes back to England and the U.S. that afternoon and the following morning.
The rushed departure puzzles me a bit, particularly since most of the rushers seemed to be people wrapping up their first year in Beijing, like us. While I too am somewhat anxious to get my feet back on American soil for a few weeks, I don't have any desire to rush out. The end of our first year in Beijing feels like a significant milestone, an achievement worth lingering over and reflecting on.
To some extent, the different approaches reflect a broader attitude toward living here; some people exist as if constantly on borrowed time, or an extended vacation. They are here, but their real lives are elsewhere, in some cases complete with fully furnished homes while they live in China in pre-furnished houses or apartments. We have tried to avoid that mindset.
We kept our house in New Jersey, a choice that made the initial decision less emotionally complex, but it is emptied out and occupied by tenants. We discarded many possessions, put some in storage and moved our favorite things here, to our new home. That somehow felt like an important part of acknowledging that Beijing is more than just where we are for a little while.
Andrew and Javy's families will struggle to right themselves and get readjusted to life in America, because they are leaving home. Others, meanwhile, count down the days until they end their exile; their readjustments may be easier, but their lives here are less rich. Meanwhile, Jacob, and many other kids like him, only know that their soul mates are leaving and they will have to find some new ones. I think he understands that a lot of families will be arriving in August.
聚散两匆匆
这是一个聚散匆匆的社区里的一段充满聚散的时光。学校放假了，夏季来临了，而人们要走了。朋友和熟人们已经离开或准备离开，目的地是上海、吉隆坡、西雅图、塔斯马尼亚、华盛顿、广州、斯德哥尔摩，不一而足。人们或是返家，或是前往下一个派驻地，二者人数大体相同。
那些过惯了这种生活的人对此倒无所谓，他们参加完一个又一个告别聚会后就启程上路了。而对于那些刚出国生活不久的人，困难就要大些了──这么的分离确实让人难受──但除此之外你还能做什么呢？对孩子们来说有时还真有点麻烦。
我八岁的儿子雅各布几天前对我说：“我有三个最好的朋友要离开了。”
“是啊，”我说。“我知道迈克尔、安德鲁和贾维尔将离开你一段时间，但是...”
“贾维尔不走。我说的是查理。安德鲁走了，贾维尔只能把我当最好的朋友了。”
我以前从来没听说过查理这个孩子，但我意识到我不得不告诉雅各布这个坏消息：他最好的朋友贾维尔?王就要迁居加利福尼亚了。
“啊，抱歉，雅各布，贾维尔也要走了，我以为你知道呢。”
雅各布看上去难过极了，整个人都没了生气，我能感觉到他的痛苦。当我们去年八月搬到这里时，雅各布立刻就和安德鲁?梅以及安德鲁多年最要好的朋友贾维尔打成了一片。这两个男孩让雅各布加入了他们的小圈子，他们组成的铁三角从没动摇过。
贾维尔和安德鲁一起长大，他们好得就像一个人似的。我一直想如果把这两人分开会是什么样子，现在安德鲁要去华盛顿了，而贾维尔将前往旧金山湾区。但直到这一刻之前，我一直没有完全意识到他们的离去将会如何深深地影响到我自己的儿子。他们一直就像雅各布的亲兄弟一样，要想另觅这种只可意会不可言传的亲密不是件易事。
就像雅各布难以承受他亲密的朋友离去一样，我想那即将离去的两个孩子心里也不好受。贾维尔从出生到现在还没离开过这里，而安德鲁从四岁起就迁居此地了。他们都拿美国护照，但北京才是他们的家，他们对这里的学校、朋友和生活都心满意足。两个孩子要适应他们新的生活都需要一段过渡、调整期，就像我们刚到此地时经历的那样。
与此同时，另一类型的大迁移也在进行中。搬东西的人、打包的人还有巨型集装箱货车挤满了我家前后的过道，而那些即将入住或有意入住我们小区的人却在向导和房地产经纪人的陪伴下正满街转悠呢。许多家庭在漫长的暑假期间都打点行装回老家去了。多数情况下，都是妻子、孩子离去而留下丈夫独守空房，他们或是赶在暑假结束前两到三周回国去与妻儿团聚，或是一旦工作脱得开身就返回故里。
我们这里是外籍人士聚居区，几周前这儿就明显给人以人去楼空之感了，当时各家国际学校不过刚放假几天。我孩子的学校是放假最晚的，学期的最后一天是6月23日(周五)，我们有些朋友在当天下午或第二天上午就乘飞机返回英国和美国了。
这种蜂拥而去之势令我感到些许困惑，特别是这些匆匆而去的人中大部分都是像我们一样第一年在北京生活的。 虽然我也渴望回美国去过上几周，但我一点也没有要匆匆离去的愿望。我们在北京第一年生活的终结感觉像是一个重要的里程碑，这一年的生活值得好好回味。
某种程度上说，人们不同的离去方式反映了他们看待此地生活的态度。一些人就像时刻准备拔腿就走似的，或是像在这儿渡一个长假。他们人在这里，但却像生活在别处。他们空著没人住的老家样样俱全，而他们在中国居住的房子或公寓却空空如也。我们一直努力避免犯这种毛病。
我们保留了在新泽西州的家，这样做是为了刚刚做出迁居决定时感情上不那么难以接受，但房子却是搬空了的，并且已租给了别人。搬家时我们丢弃了很多东西，存放了一些东西，不过却把我们最喜爱的东西搬到了北京的新家。这很大程度上是承认，北京不仅仅是我们稍作停留的地方。
安德鲁和贾维尔的家庭将努力调整自己以适应在美国的生活，因为他们是离家远行。而其他人却是度日如年，巴不得早一点结束在此地的流放生活。他们可能更容易进行自我调整，但他们在北京的生活却因此而乏味了许多。与此同时，雅各布以及许多像他一样的孩子却只知道，他们的好朋友要走了，他们不得不再寻找新朋友。我想他知道，许多新家庭今年八月又将到来。
ALAN PAUL
（编者按：本文作者Alan Paul是《吉他世界》(Guitar World)的高级编辑，同时也为美国篮球杂志《灌篮》(Slam)撰写文章。因妻子工作需要，他举家从美国新泽西迁住中国，现居北京。）
