'An unknown source of creativity was released'
Suddenly I'm an art dealer and my late wife has become an artist. I feel like one of those mediums who go into a trance and "write" a new symphony under the personal supervision of Mozart or finish The Mystery of Edwin Drood at the dictation of Charles Dickens.
There aren't too many upsides among the downsides of a brain tumour but it is a fact that without this cranial cancer Ruth's work would never have made it up on the gallery wall. The so-called "benign" growth that took 21 years to run its course did her one favour: it turned her into a painter. Of course, she will not see it herself on display but those formerly linked to her by genes or a joint mortgage will take pride for her in the wonderful swirls of paint she produced so casually.
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She began to paint about a year before she died. This was purely as therapy. She had the chance of choosing a weekly course when she was attending the day centre at St Christopher's Hospice in south London. It could have been gardening but she chose painting.
She had earlier been forced to give up any artistic attempts after a couple of lessons from professional artist Anne Lynch, when it became apparent that her (dominant) right hand and arm were too affected for her to attempt anything representational.
Now, using the "wrong" hand, she did not have sufficient mental or physical control to do much more than vaguely striped designs. Yet under the tuition of the art staff, she produced vibrant artwork. Then Victoria Moore, our brilliant social worker, suggested that, on the six days a week when she wasn't on the course, Ruth carried on painting at home.
After that, the careworkers would wheel Ruth every morning to the kitchen table, where she would get stuck into the pots of paint. Here she dominated her designs and gave a very old-fashioned look to anyone making suggestions or, on one (and only one) occasion, making a mark on the paper.
She illustrated all our Christmas cards. Her largest paintings, which might take two days, were on squares of wallpaper. Whatever the size, her work consisted of amazing swirls and dabs of colour. As if in compensation for the closing down of her normal abilities, some unknown source of creativity was released.
Looking at the paintings, you might see landscapes at sunset or choppy waves or the flames of flickering forest fires. I don't think she was intending to trigger these images in our minds. Towards the end, she could not have known what waves and fireswere. One design was inspired by Monet's images of his water garden but a friend looking at it declares confidently that it is of a Scottish island with beach, boat and bystander.
She could not do anything that the rest of us could: walking, talking coherently, thinking cogently. But she could do something that none of the rest of us could achieve: arranging those colours in these vibrant patterns.
Were her paintings any good? In terms of art in general, I don't even know what I like (although, of course, I knew who I loved) and Ruth was outwardly dismissive about her own productions. A week before she died - as an in-patient at St Christopher's - she indicated that she wanted to handle the selection of works we kept in her room in the hospice: "That's beauty," she said, the last time she uttered a compete sentence.
Usually she affected to be amazed that we liked the paintings enough to stick them up on the kitchen wall. She would be even more amazed to learn that they will be up on a gallery wall for three months.
A friend working at the Institute of Psychiatry in Camberwell, on the south London medical site where Ruth was treated, suggested we offer some of her paintings for its gallery space. The exhibitions held there have some sort of medical element, such as autism or madness. Ruth Sale - In Living Colours has just opened and is curated by Anne Lynch. We are keeping the original artworks, since they were among the last things she touched, but are selling reproductions, with the profits going to St Christopher's.
A private view of the works raised several hundred pounds. Some of the kind remarks about the paintings came from people working in the building - this is just as well as they will be lumbered with Ruth's daubs every working day until the end of November. The social worker came up with yet another of her ideas: perhaps at the end of its three months at the IoP, the exhibition could be transfer to another site in Southwark. The exhibition may move, even though the artist couldn't.
疾病”的艺术灵感
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然之间，我成了艺术品经销商，而我的亡妻则变成了艺术家。我感觉自己就像是一个被鬼神附体的灵媒，在莫扎特的亲自指导下，“谱写”一部新的交响乐章，或是听着查尔斯?狄更斯(Charles Dickens)的口述，完成《艾德温?德鲁德之谜》(The Mystery of Edwin Drood)。
脑瘤把她变成画家
脑瘤有诸多不利的方面，有利的方面则不多，但如果没有这种脑部的癌症，鲁思的作品可能永远也不会挂在美术馆的墙上，这也是一个事实。所谓“良性”发展折磨了她21年才告结束，不过也帮了她一个忙：把她变成了画家。当然，她本人不会看到作品的展出，但那些因为基因或联合抵押贷款而与她联系在一起的人，却会为她信笔创作的精彩画作感到骄傲。
鲁思是在大约去世前一年开始作画的。这纯粹是一种治疗方法。当她在伦敦南部圣克里斯多福临终关怀医院(St Christopher's Hospice)日间中心接受护理时，得到了选择每周一次课程的机会。她本可以选择园艺，却选中了绘画。
用不常用的左手作画
早些时候，鲁思曾上过专业艺术家安妮?林奇(Anne Lynch)的两堂课，但后来，她惯用的右手和右臂受到疾病的严重影响，显然无法尝试任何艺术创作，于是她被迫放弃了艺术方面的尝试。
如今，使用“不常用的”左手，她的脑力或体力都无法很好地支配，因此只能画一些线条模糊的图案。不过，在艺术职员的辅导下，她创作出了充满活力的作品。然后，我们聪明过人的社工维多利亚?摩尔(Victoria Moore)建议鲁思，在一周6天不上课的日子里，可以在家继续作画。
此后，护理人员每天清晨用轮椅将鲁思推到餐桌前，她将在这儿埋头作画。在这里，她主宰着自己的设计，对任何提出建议或在纸上作记号（仅有一次）的人，摆出一副非常过时的表情。
我们所有的圣诞卡都是她画的插图。她最大的画作（可能需时两天）画在一块块的壁纸上。无论尺寸大小，她的作品总是由迷人的曲线和小块的色彩构成。就好像上天是为了弥补她某些正常能力的失去，因而释放了某种不为人所知的创造源泉。
观赏这些绘画的时候，你也许会看到日落的景色，或滔滔的波浪，或是林火闪烁的火焰。我并不认为她是有意让我们在脑海中产生这些景象。在生命即将完结之时，她不可能知道波浪和火焰是什么。她的一幅画作灵感来自于莫奈(Monet)的流水花园，但一位观赏这幅画作的朋友自信地宣称，画中是苏格兰的某个岛屿，有海滩、船只和游人。
我们其它人能做的事她都做不到：行走、连贯地说话、有逻辑地思维。但有一件事却是她能做到、而我们其它任何人都无法做到的：用那些颜色绘出如此生动的图案。
不为人知的创造源泉被释放
她的画作有什么过人之处吗？就总体艺术而言，我甚至不知道自己喜欢什么（当然，我知道我爱谁），而鲁思表面上并不看重自己的作品。她病死在圣克里斯多福医院。在去世前一周，她表示希望亲自挑选我们保存在她医院病房里的作品。“那是一种美，”她表示。这是她最后一次吐出一句完整的话。
看到我们非常喜欢这些画，将它们贴在了厨房的墙上，她通常都会表现得很惊讶。如果知道这些画作将放在美术馆的墙上展出三个月，她应该会更惊讶。
一位在坎伯威尔区英国精神病学研究院(Institute of Psychiatry)工作的朋友，建议我们提供鲁思的一些画作，放在该研究所的美术馆展览。英国精神病学研究院位于鲁思接受治疗的伦敦南部医院附近。那里举办的展览有某种治疗意义，如孤独症或精神错乱。“鲁思?塞尔―鲜活的色彩”(Ruth Sale - In Living Colours)刚刚开展，由安妮?林奇负责组织和管理。我们会保留原画，因为它们是她最后碰过的东西，但我们会出售复制品，收入将捐给圣克里斯多福临终关怀医院。
预展筹集了数百英镑资金。一些对画作的褒奖之词来自在这座大楼工作的人――这是应该的，而且在截至11月底之前的每个工作日，它们都将和鲁思的涂鸦之作一起度过。那位社工提出了她的另一个创意：在三个月后英国精神学研究院的展览结束时，或许可以将展览转到萨瑟克区的另一个地方。展览可以迁移，不过这位艺术家就不能了。
色彩印象展
“鲁思?塞尔―鲜活的色彩”
地址：伦敦SE5 8AF，De Crespigny公园，英国精神病学研究院SGDP中心。开放时间：周一至周五，上午9点至下午5点，直至12月1日。
