Consumer Pioneer Or Radioactive User: Which One Are You?
For generations, the Thanksgiving table has been the place where families gather to engage in a hallowed tradition -- one-upmanship.
While homes, jobs, cars and vacations are perennial subjects, recently computers and all manner of tech gadgets have found a place at the table, with everything from wireless networks to browser-enabled cellphones becoming subjects to be bragged about, dismissed and tussled over.
Our love and fear of tech gear cut across gender and age: Cousin Susan boasts about running her apartment's thermostat from her laptop; Uncle Craig assumes the crash position if he's talking on his cellphone and another call arrives. None of us approaches technology the exact same way.
Here's a peek at some of the best-known tribes of technology consumers. To which do you belong?
Elite Tinkerer: (Tech sign: Linux penguin.) You're fearless and patient, and love to experiment. Others might balk at the idea of taking a Dell, Xbox, TiVo, Commodore 64 and toaster oven, and controlling them from an old Treo, but that's loser talk -- you'll just use Linux and write up some batch scripts.
What's Good: ETs can do anything -- the funhouse world of technological possibilities that seems to retreat from the rest of us like the hallway in "Poltergeist" is their reality.
What's Bad: They are notorious for passing up the simple answer when an infinitely more complicated one strikes them as cool. If you ask an ET how long he or she will need to solve some problem of yours, take the estimate, double it and make sure the ET is going to stick around that long. Companies release buggy, half-finished products knowing armies of ETs will road-test them.
If You Are One: Using Windows doesn't make the rest of us cattle. And don't touch our work laptop.
Cutting-Edge Explorer: (Tech sign: Flat-screen TV.) Your gifts are deep pockets and big ambitions. Sure, you blow through cellphones like Kleenex, spend so much time on help-desk lines that you're up on the latest Bangalore gossip, and are annoyed that on your 61-inch plasma screen anything the color black looks more soot than obsidian. (No big whoop, the new model is out next month.) In your living room, next year is now. Some urban CEE hipsters eschew TVs for pricey PowerBooks. Look for them blogging in Wi-Fi hot spots, sipping chai brewed from Antarctic moss.
What's Good: It's fun watching the Super Bowl at a CEE's house -- with HDTV you can see plainly that the quarterback's pupils aren't the same size. (Get the medics!) We'll let you test consumer-electronics land mines before we buy.
What's Bad: Something's wrong when the rest of us can't pull out our new cellphones for fear of your pitying looks.
If You Are One: We secretly hate you. While you're up, can we get more dip?
The Faithful Mainstreamer: (Tech sign: Glossy tech magazine.) You really believe technology makes everything better, particularly if you stick to the top picks in those glossy tech magazines. So why can't you figure out how to get your old contacts into this new, highly rated PDA? It got four stars!
What's Good: FMs are tech firms' ultimate target market, so their needs get taken care of and their problems addressed -- eventually.
What's Bad: FMs buy late enough to think the bugs should be gone, but too early for that to be true. Lacking the chops to fix complex things themselves, they wind up frustrated -- and easy marks for a product's next version.
If You Are One: Most of us are, so you're not alone. You reap technology's benefits, but you also endure its frustrations.
Bugs-Out-Please Latecomer: (Tech sign: the iPod.) You have no time for products that require constant patches, complicated installation wizards that don't work and hours on the phone with tech support. Thanks, but you'll wait for version 3.0. You've learned the wisdom of patience, and buy yesterday's gotta-have-it tech device when it's cheap and mainstream.
What's Good: Where to start? The freedom to use technology instead of being used by it. The hours saved not "fixing" what will never work.
What's Bad: If we all were BOPLs, products wouldn't ship until they were actually ready for nonengineers. Oh wait, that's not a bad thing.
If You Are One: Tell us your secret.
The Disaster Magnet: (Tech sign: the hourglass.) You think you're an ET, CEE or BOPL, but sorry, you're not. Machines hate you: Family members cluck their tongues, and the help-desk guys cringe when your name shows up on their BlackBerrys. It's possible your body emits radiation that makes any gadget within three feet go haywire.
What's Good: Whatever mysterious pathogen afflicts disaster magnets, it doesn't seem to be catching. That's about it.
What's Bad: Life in the 21st century isn't going to get any nicer. People, be kind to them.
If You Are One: Please, stay away from our desk.
你是哪类高科技产品消费者？
几代人以来，一家子在感恩节团聚一堂的时候一直有个备受推崇的传统－－互相攀比。
房子、位子、车子和度假是永恒的攀比话题，而近些年来，电脑和各种各样的高科技产品也开始跃上桌面，从无线网络到上网手机等，不一而足，都成为大家吹嘘、反驳和争吵的对象。
人们对高科技产品的喜欢和厌恶都超越了性别和年龄的限制：苏珊 (Susan) 堂姐吹嘘自己能用笔记本电脑遥控家里的自动调温器；而克莱格 (Craig) 叔叔在打电话时，如果有别的电话打进来，就会做崩溃状。每个人对高科技的态度都不太一样。
我来给喜欢高科技产品的消费者分一下类，看看你属于哪个阵营。
第一类人：精英动手派。（标志行为：会编写 Linux 。）你对高科技产品永远无畏，也很耐心，喜欢尝试新鲜事物。当其他人讨论用一部老款的 Treo 智能手机来遥控戴尔电脑、 Xbox 游戏机、 TiVo 数位录影机、 Commodore 64 游戏机和土司烤箱的时候，你会不屑一顾－－因为你只要用 Linux 语言写几个批次档案就可以了。
优点：精英动手派能做任何事情－－大多数人已经退化的技术潜能在他们身上重现，让整个世界如游乐园般有趣。
缺点：他们有个讨人嫌的习惯，就是永远用复杂的答案回答简单的问题，而且乐此不疲。如果你想知道他们要花多久才能解决一个问题，那你可以先估算一个时间，然后把它延长一倍，并且做好长时间的心理准备。
如果你是这种人，那么告诉你：用 Windows 操作系统并不意味著我们就是傻瓜，还有，别碰我们办公室里的笔记本电脑。
第二类人：时尚弄潮儿。（标志行为：拥有平板电视。）你的天赋是有钱而且有想法，你整天用手机煲电话粥，看到 61 英寸等离子电视上有个坏点就很恼火。（不过没关系，最新款的平板电视下个月就会上市。）看看你的客厅，那简直就是未来产品的陈列室。有些城市的时尚弄潮儿从不看电视，而是在有 Wi-Fi 热点网络的地方，喝著用南极苔藓制成的茶，用昂贵的 PowerBook 笔记本电脑写著博客。
优点：在这种人的家里看超级碗（美国橄榄球联赛）很有意思－－通过高清晰电视 (HDTV) ，你连四分卫的瞳孔大小不一样都看得出来。（快叫队医来给他瞧瞧！）在我们买家用电器之前，自有这些人替我们先试验一下。
缺点：在他们面前，我们都不敢把自己的新手机拿出来，怕他们笑我们老土。
如果你是这种人，那么告诉你：其实我们暗地里都恨你。你的自傲，都建立在我们的自卑之上。
第三类人：忠诚的主流一族。（标志行为：常买科技杂志。）你深信科技能让世界更美好，尤其是那些购买高端科技杂志的人。不过，为什么你不知道怎么把通讯录导入到新买的评级很高的 PDA 里呢？那可是四星级产品啊！
优点：主流一族是高科技公司最终的目标市场，因此他们的需求最受关注，他们的问题最快得到解决。
缺点：主流一族购买产品的时机较晚，他们以为产品中的缺陷早已解决，但常常事与愿违。由于无法自己动手解决复杂的毛病，他们会很恼火－－不过这又会让他们很容易就成为改进版的追随者。
如果你是这种人，那么告诉你：大家都这样，你并不孤单。你能享受到科技的魅力，但同样也得忍受科技的折磨。
第四类人：追求完美的迟到一族。（标志行为：拥有 iPod 。）你没时间买那些需要常打补丁的产品，安装向导复杂的产品，以及要花几小时询问技术支持人员的产品。你通常会等到第三代产品出现才出手。你有耐心的美德，要等到以前的时尚科技产品变得物美价廉、遍地可见时才去购买。
优点：优点有很多啊！摆弄科技而不被科技摆弄。不用花那么多时间去修理那些根本不好用的东西。
缺点：如果大家都是追求完美的迟到一族，那科技产品要等到大家都会用的时候才能面世。哦，等一下，其实这也不错啊。
如果你是这种人，和我们分享一下你的经验吧。
第五类人：倒楣一族。（标志行为：不用手表而用沙漏。）你以为自己是精英动手派、时尚弄潮儿或是追求完美的迟到一族，但其实都不是。科技产品都恨你，家人哀叹不已，技术支持人员一看是你打来电话就皱眉。你的身体很可能有一种辐射，让任何接近你三尺之内的机器都失灵。
优点：碰到倒楣一族，连最神秘的病菌都躲得远远的。这是唯一的优点。
缺点： 21 世纪不能给他们带来更好的生活，所以大家可怜可怜他们吧。
如果你是这种人：拜托，别靠近我们的办公桌。
