Girl Power as Boy Bashing: Evaluating the Latest Twist In the War of the Sexes
Seventeen-year-old Bryan Blase sees girls at school wearing T-shirts that announce: "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them!"
Bryan, who lives in suburban Detroit, isn't offended. The shirts remind him that boys are often disrespectful to girls. "We are stupid," he says. "Girls should throw rocks at us."
The age-old gender war is being sold to our children in new, and some argue, insidious ways -- and kids are spending millions of dollars to buy it. Marketers today are pitching the battle of the sexes to younger and younger consumers, using misogynistic rap lyrics, insult-laden clothing lines, confrontation-packed reality TV shows, and advertising that defines girl-power as boy-bashing.
Psychologists and gender-relations researchers warn that this ratcheting up of boy/girl conflicts could damage kids' self-esteem and their ability to relate to the opposite sex. But a lot of today's media-savvy kids say they appreciate the humor behind this gender war-mongering -- and they doubt they'll be scarred by this new form of commerce. As for parents, we need to make mature judgment calls without being humorless.
An antiboy shirt from David & Goliath, whose founder has also written a book (right).
Apparel firm David & Goliath saw its popular "boys are stupid" line dropped last year from about 10 store chains after protests by parenting and tolerance groups. Still, the company says its products remain in 2,500 outlets, and it expects sales to rise to $100 million this year from $90 million in 2004. (About half of its sales are these controversial products.)
David & Goliath founder Todd Goldman, 36, just released a "boys are stupid" book. It begins: "Girls are bundles of joy and gifts from heaven. Boys pick their nose in front of 7-Eleven." It ends: "Just remember. For every stupid, smelly, cootie-ridden boy, there is a rock."
Mr. Goldman fell into the boy-bashing business after starting his T-shirt concern in 1999. He created a "boys are smelly" shirt, then a "boys have cooties" shirt, and sales jumped. "For twenty bucks, a girl can walk around town, saying things she wouldn't normally say, without opening her mouth."
He argues that his products are just darkly comic, and critics need to lighten up. But detractors point out that our society wouldn't condone products that encouraged violence against a specific race. Nor is anyone selling "throw rocks at girls" shirts. "This is not humor. This is sarcasm as a weapon," says Ted Braude, a psychologist in Royal Oak, Mich., who works with boys.
Gender-bashing products are popular today in part because our society reduces childhood to zero-sum accounting, says Joe Kelly, president of the advocacy group Dads and Daughters. "People think that in order for girls to get a hand up, we have to push boys down. For boys to get a hand up, we have to push girls down." Title IX legislation, requiring schools to end discrimination based on sex, has heightened animosities, he says.
But store owners say sales are driven not by politics, but by kids' sense of what's cool. Beautiful Girl, a boutique in Woodmere, N.Y., sells piles of boy-bashing apparel. "Kids realize it's tongue-in-cheek," says Jon Shapiro, the store's co-owner. "The moms are very indulgent. If kids want it, moms buy it." Mr. Shapiro considers the controversy overblown. "There hasn't been a rash of boys being stoned."
Teachers and parents can ease boy/girl conflicts by avoiding the adult impulse to group kids by gender, says Barrie Thorne, author of the book "Gender Play" and a sociology professor at University of California, Berkeley. Spelling bees and kick-ball games shouldn't be boys versus girls, she says. And she advises parents to encourage boy/girl platonic friendships; too often parents tease kids by suggesting they're in a romance.
"New Moon," an ad-free alternative magazine for girls, purposely avoids revving up gender squabbles, focusing instead on girls' aspirations and inner beauty. That makes it a rarity on newsstands. My 15-year-old daughter notices that most teen magazines for girls depict boys as jerks. "It's always, 'He did this to me. He did that to me.' Rarely do I read a story where a boy does something nice," she says.
Madeline Gobbo, 14, of Hood River, Ore., sees that advertisers woo girls through boy-bashing. She's amused by ads for Skechers sneakers, which show kicking or whip-wielding females and cowering males. "Girls used to try to be equal to boys," says Madeline. "Now they're trying to be better. The media is picking up on that."
Movie and TV executives admit that they see dollar signs in boy/girl conflict. Reality show "Girls V. Boys" airs on The N, Viacom's "network for tweens and teens," available in 43 million homes. The show pits girls against boys, as they fire water guns or joust each other off boats. In the "Ride 'Em Cowboy" challenge, teammates dressed in cow costumes had to move around on all fours and avoid being lassoed by a team of the opposite sex.
"We wanted to set them up in situations where they'd be competing during the day and flirting at night," explains Sarah Tomassi Lindman, a vice president of The N. She says that "tension" has created strong drama and growing ratings.
Kids I spoke to seem to know that at the root of boy/girl antagonism, there's a whole lot of attraction.
In Wayne, Pa., Rachel Hobbs, 15, has a friend who wears a shirt that reads: "Boys are smelly. Throw rocks at them!" Rachel told her friend: "You're dating this guy. You're holding his hand. You're wearing that shirt. Why aren't you throwing rocks at him?"
Her friend replied: "Because I like him." 性别之战”新篇章：男孩挨揍
十七岁的布莱恩?布拉思 (Bryan Blase) 看到同校女生穿的一件 T 恤衫上赫然写著：“男孩都是傻瓜，朝他们扔石头！”
布莱恩住在底特律郊区，并没有因为看到这句话就生气。这只不过提醒他，男孩对待女孩的态度总是很粗鲁。“我们是很笨，”他说，“女孩应该向我们扔石头。”
历史悠久的性别之战正在通过一种全新的──在有些人看来未免是用心险恶的──方式传递给下一代。而孩子们也在为此消费著数百万美元。现在的市场营销人员眼中，性别大战的目标客户年龄越来越小。他们用说唱乐歌词、脏话连篇的服饰文字、冲突不断的纪实电视剧和广告来推广女孩掌权、男孩挨打的观念。
心理学家和两性关系研究人员警告说，这种愈演愈烈的少男 / 少女冲突会伤害孩子的自尊，不利于培养他们与异性交往的能力。但在媒体浸淫中长大的孩子们却说，他们很喜欢这种“性别战”促销背后的幽默，并不担心自己会被这种新的商业广告方式吓倒。而作为父母，我们需要作出成熟且不乏幽默的判断。
这款“男孩傻瓜”的 T 恤衫是服装公司 David & Goliath 的畅销系列。去年遭到几个社会团体的抗议之后，该公司旗下大约 10 间连锁店销售的这款 T 恤衫销量开始下降。但公司表示，还有大约 2,500 家服装店仍在继续销售，预计今年的销售额会从去年的 9,000 万美元增至 1 亿美元。 David & Goliath 大约半数商品都充满争议。
David & Goliath 的创始人托德?戈德曼 (Todd Goldman) 今年 36 岁，刚刚出版了一本新书──《男孩是傻瓜》。开篇写道：“女孩代表著无边的喜悦，是天赐的礼物。而男孩只会在 7-Eleven 便利店前面挖鼻孔。”结尾则是：“一定要记住。每一个傻乎乎、臭烘烘、长虱子的男孩都应该被扔上一块石头。”
戈德曼的 T 恤衫业务从 1999 年开张以来，就一头扎进了“打击男孩”为主题的业务推广活动中。他设计了写著“男孩臭烘烘”文字的衬衫，然后是“男孩身上有虱子”，衬衫销量突飞猛进。“只需 20 美元，一位女生根本无须开口，就能说著那些平常不会说的话，在大街小巷穿行。”
戈德曼说自己的产品不过是些黑色幽默，一些应该从正面理解的讽刺。但那些坚决反对这一观念的人们指出，我们的社会不应该宽恕那些鼓励对某个特定族群施展暴力的产品。“这不是幽默。这种讽刺挖苦简直就是武器，”密歇根州心理学家泰德?布劳德 (Ted Braude) 说。布劳德参与男孩社团的工作。
父女社团 (Dads and Daughters) 的主席乔伊?凯利 (Joe Kelly) 说，这种打击某个性别的产品之所以畅销，部分原因就是当今社会已经把童年消减成一个零和场所。“人们认为，女孩要想站起来，就必须把男孩推倒在地；反之亦然。”他说，要求学校停止性别歧视的《 Title IX 法案》能获得通过，就已经凸现了这种异性仇视的现象。
但店主说，销售增长并不是因为政治原因，而是因为那些东西在孩子们眼中够“酷”。纽约州专卖店 Beautiful Girl 就大量销售“男孩挨揍”观念的服装。“孩子们知道这不过是玩笑，并不当真，”这家店铺的主人之一琼?夏皮罗 (Jon Shapiro) 说。“母亲都很溺爱，只要孩子喜欢，她们就毫不犹豫地掏钱。”他认为眼下这场争议未免有些过度，“并没有很多男孩被人砸石头。”
加州大学社会学教授芭莉?索恩 (Barrie Thorne) 说，老师和父母可以避免让成人主导的团体将孩子们按性别划分，由此缓解异性儿童之间的冲突。索恩还是《 Gender Play 》一书的作者。她认为，拼字、踢球这些游戏都不应该根据男孩还是女孩来归类。她还建议父母鼓励孩子们发展与异性之间柏拉图式的友谊。在她看来，想当然认为孩子与异性恋爱而恼羞成怒的父母实在是太多了。
《 New Moon 》是一份完全不登广告的少女杂志，编辑们很用心地避免激化针对性别的争论，而是专注于讨论女性的渴望和内在美。这让它成为杂志中的另类。我 15 岁的女儿就注意到了这一点，很多以少女为读者群的杂志总是贬低男生。她说，“总是这样，‘他对我这样'、‘他对我那样'，我几乎没看过哪篇文章中的男生做过什么好事。”
十四岁的玛德琳?高波 (Madeline Gobbo) 认为，广告商们是通过推广“男孩挨揍”这个观念来吸引女孩。 Skechers 的一则广告乐坏了她：广告上的女性不是拳打脚踢，就是手舞皮鞭；而男性总是缩手缩脚，唯唯诺诺。“以前，女孩总是力争和男孩保持平等，”玛德琳说，“现在，她们想比男孩更强。媒体恰好利用了这一点。”
电影和电视公司的管理人士承认，他们从少男 / 少女冲突中看到了美元在闪光。维亚康姆 (Viacom) 专门为“十几、二十岁青少年开通的电视频道”── The N ──正在上演《 Girls V. Boys 》的纪实剧。这个频道共有 4,300 万家庭用户。这部纪实剧鼓励女孩们同男孩争斗，他们互射水枪、要么就把对方从船上推下去。在《 Ride 'Em Cowboy 》游戏中，身穿奶牛服装的队员们只能在地面爬行，还要尽力不让异性组成的对方小组套住。
The N 频道的副总裁莎拉?托马西?林德曼 (Sarah Tomassi Lindman) 解释说，“我们想营造这样一个环境，他们要在白天互相竞争，到了晚上又互相调情。”
我接触交谈过的孩子们似乎很了解，在少男 / 少女的对抗背后，根深蒂固的是异性相吸。
十五岁的雷切尔?赫伯斯 (Rachel Hobbs) 有位朋友，她穿一件写上“男孩臭烘烘的，向他们扔石头！”的 T 恤衫。雷切尔忍不住问她：“你在和他约会，和他手牵手，又穿一件这样的衣服，那你干嘛不向他扔石头？”
她朋友回答：“因为我喜欢他。”
