Lucy Kellaway: I refuse to hobnob for advantage
At some point on Tuesday, 1,000 of the world's leading businessmen will get on aircraft and hurtle across the sky to Davos to attend the World Economic Forum. In their briefcases they will have a fat stack of business cards and a collection of glossy invitations.
If they are exceedingly important, Bill Gates will have asked them for a nightcap at the Fluella Restaurant on Friday. If they are less so, they will be at Booz Allen & Hamilton's late night "cheese and chocolate and wine and whiskey and music and more" party. Every hour of the day for five days there will be a different social engagement to key into their personal digital assistants. And when it is over they will fly home again, having eaten too many things on sticks and slept too few hours. Their business cards will have been distributed; they will have a pile of other people's ready to be filed away in their contact books.
On Tuesday I will be on the 8.38am to Moorgate as usual. I am not going to Davos this year. I did not go last year either. In fact, I have never been. "Never been to Davos?" people say, eyes wide with amazement. "You must go. You'd love it. You'd get to meet so many people." I always nod, but actually the prospect of the biggest networkathon in the world appeals to me even less than the prospect of going skiing - which appeals not at all. Having to make conversation with strangers while squinting at their name tags and trying to work out if you should have heard of them is a wretched way to spend an evening; doing it for days on end must be pure torture.
This aversion to networking used to be something I was ashamed of. If only I was a networker, I would be a better journalist, I thought. When I was a news reporter I was once asked by my successor in one particular job whether he could have my contacts book. I had to pretend I had lost it. The shameful truth was I never had one. I always found the phone directory did the job fine.
The whole networking process defeats me, in particular the business cards. I keep my own at the bottom of my handbag, and they are usually a bit grubby on the rare occasions I am required to produce one. Other people's cards go back into my bag, and get fished out whenever I spring clean it. They then sit on my desk for a while before eventually going into the bin.
The other day I got a message from a City banker who had just lost his job and had been told by another banker to "use his network" to find a new one. This was dispiriting, particularly as the person telling him this was someone who he thought was part of his network. Swallowing his proper distaste at using friends for business ends, he asked some of them if they could help. They were nice - but useless. Maybe his was a bad crowd, he decided.
Maybe; but I think he should take heart. Networking may not be all it is cracked up to be.
Last week I had lunch with a man who was a famous UK entrepreneur in the 1980s and now has many fingers in many pies. The previous night he had been invited to a drinks party in a grand London hotel. The great and the good of British industry were there, along with all the biggest brokers, lawyers and accountants touting for business, and laughing just a touch too loudly.
He checked in his briefcase and went into the heaving ballroom, smiling and catching the eyes of the people he knew. Suddenly he felt tired by the whole thing. He did not see the point of being there. So he collected his briefcase, regretting the ￡2 he had paid to the cloakroom attendant for five minutes' custody, and went home to watch the cricket on television.
It had taken him 60-plus years to realise that networking was a waste of time. He could not remember one business deal or one person he had ever hired on the strength of a meeting at this sort of occasion. So why did he go on turning up? As a younger man he had simply liked seeing and being seen. It had tickled his vanity, but that day he discovered that his ageing vanity was no longer in need of tickling, or at least not in this way.
The more I think about it, the odder I find the whole networking process. The very word is off-putting: it sounds so pushy and calculating. The point of networking is to meet someone more important than you are. But if everyone goes to a party determined to network, the whole exercise becomes self-defeating. It also offends against the idea that we work in a meritocracy, where talent will out, eventually. In true life, of course, talent does not always out. The smarmiest have an annoying way of getting to the top. But it does not follow that the collecting of business cards at drinks parties is a good use of time. Ah yes, networkers say. Theirs is an art, and you have to learn to do it well. Hence the success of volumes called Non-Stop Networking, Networking Magic or The Networking Survival Guide.
Instead of buying these books, I decided to ask my colleagues how they did it. I sent out an electronic message calling for a top Financial Times networker to step forward and tell me how it is done. I had lots of replies volunteering other names - mostly of people they did not like. Only one brave person, a brilliant getter of scoops, put up her hand. She offered me four tips, of which the first two were to network in the evening as it was more relaxed than lunchtime, and to drink almost nothing.
If this is how you do it I am not even going to try. Evenings are simply not designed for work things. But if the worst comes to the worst and you find yourself tomorrow night in Davos, my advice is to drink quite a bit. It numbs the pain.
我为什么不去拉关系
周二的某个时候，全球1000位商界领袖将乘上飞机、穿越云霄，到达沃斯参加世界经济论坛(World Economic Forum)。在他们的手提箱里，将有厚厚一摞名片和一叠光亮的请柬。
如果这些人极其尊贵，那么比尔?盖茨(Bill Gates)将在周五晚间邀他们去Fluella餐馆喝一杯。如果他们没那么重要，那他们将参加博思管理顾问公司(Booz Allen Hamilton)举办的“奶酪巧克力葡萄酒威士忌音乐等等”深夜派对。连续5天，每天每个小时都会有不同的社会活动，需要他们将之输入自己的个人数码助理(PDA)。他们会在聚会上吃太多东西又睡得太少，并等一切结束后坐飞机回家。那时他们的名片已经发完，而且将有一大堆别人的名片，等着编入他们的联络簿。
周二，我将同往常一样，早上8点38分去Moorgate（FT公司附近）。今年我不准备去达沃斯。去年我也没去。事实上我从没去过。“从没去过达沃斯？”人们瞪大眼睛惊讶地说，“你一定要去。你会喜欢那里。你会见到那么多人。”我总是点点头，但事实上，去参加这场全球最大的建立关系网马拉松，对我来说还不如去滑雪的吸引力大，而滑雪对我根本没有吸引力。你得与陌生人交谈，同时还得瞄几眼他们佩带的名牌，并努力思索你是否该听说过这些人，这样度过一个晚上真是不幸，而连着这么过几天完全就是折磨。
我对建立关系网的这种厌恶之情，过去常令我感到羞愧。我曾想，要是我会建立关系网，我就是一名更出色的记者了。我当新闻记者时，接替我某项工作的人有一次问我，能否把我的联络簿给他。我只好谎称丢了。令我难为情的事实是，我从来就没有联络簿。我总是发现，用电话簿黄页就能把这活干好了。
我对建立关系网的整个过程一窍不通，尤其在名片的问题上。我把自己的名片放在手提包底部，而在很少一些场合中，需要我拿出一张名片来，那时它们通常已有点不挺刮了。别人的名片换回我的包中，每当我彻底清理手提包时，就会把这些名片掏出来。接着这些名片在我桌上摆一会儿，最终还是进了废纸篓。
有一次，伦敦金融城一位银行家告诉我，说他刚丢了工作，而另一位银行家让他“用自己的关系网”去找份新工作。他感到很沮丧，尤其是因为，说这话的银行家就是他以为自己关系网中的某个人。对于为了商业目的而利用朋友，他感到相当反感，但他忍住这种感觉，问朋友中是否有人能帮忙。这些朋友都很亲切，但都帮不上忙。他的结论是，也许他的朋友圈子不好。
也许吧。但我认为他应该振作点。建立关系网络可能不像人们说的那么好。
上周我和一个人吃饭。他曾是上世纪80年代英国著名的企业家，如今在很多领域都有涉足。和我吃饭的前一天晚上，他应邀去伦敦一家豪华酒店参加一场酒会。酒会上聚集了英国各行各业的显要人物，所有最成功的经纪商、律师和会计师也都在那里招徕生意，笑声如雷。
他把公文包寄放好，走进人头攒动的宴会厅，微笑着迎接他认识的人的目光。突然，他对整件事感到非常厌倦，觉得呆在那里没什么意义。于是他取回公文包，一边后悔地想：他付给衣帽间服务员2英镑，却只把衣物保管了5分钟。然后他回家打开电视看板球比赛。
他花了60多年的时间才认识到，建立关系网是浪费时间。他记不得自己通过这种场合的一次会面，做过什么生意或雇过什么人。那么他为何要继续在这样的场合抛头露面呢？年轻的时候，他就是喜欢见到别人或被人看见。那曾经满足了他的虚荣心。但那天晚上他发现，他上了年纪的虚荣心已不再需要被满足了，或至少不是以这种方式。
我越想就越是觉得，建立关系网的整个过程非常古怪。说它令人不快就对了：它听上去如此急不可耐、工于心计。建立关系网的意义在于同一些比你更重要的人见面。但如果人人都冲着建立关系网而去参加聚会，那整个行动就会弄巧成拙。这也有悖于我们英才管理的观念。在这种制度下，人才最终总会脱颖而出。当然，在现实生活中，人才并不总是能出头。阿谀奉承者能用一套令人讨厌的方法爬上高位。但并不能由此推断说，在酒会上收集名片是对时间很好的利用。建立关系网的人说，是啊。他们的做法是一种艺术，而你得学会做好它。于是，《不间断建立关系网》(Non-Stop Networking)、《建立关系网的奇迹》(Non-Stop Networking)或《建立关系网生存指南》(The Networking Survival Guide)这样一些书就畅销起来。
我没去买这些书，而是决定问我的同事他们是怎么做的。我发出一条电子信息，询问《金融时报》中有哪位建立关系网高手能站出来，告诉我这事怎么做。我收到许多答复，但都是推举其他人――基本上都是些他们不喜欢的人。只有一个勇敢的人毛遂自荐，她是个优秀的、挖到独家新闻的记者。她给了我4个小窍门，头两个是：把建立关系网的时间放在晚上，因为晚上比午餐时间放松；还有是基本上不要喝酒。
如果你就是这么建立关系网的，那我甚至不想去尝试。晚上根本不是用来工作的。但如果事情糟透了，明天晚上你发现自己在达沃斯，那我建议你多喝点。这样就不会觉得痛苦。
