That marriage-wrecking MBA
The autumn term is in full swing. First-year MBA students lug books, laptops and icon mugs, while second years compare internships. There is much to share.
For some, with nine months to graduation and lucrative job offers trickling in for next year, the MBA degree seems to have paid off. Angst about loans and jobs is beginning to wane. Victory can be bitter-sweet, however. While a six-figure salary, house and expensive car seem to be traits of a stable future, their personal lives are anything but secure. The significant other with whom they arrived at business school has either already left or is on their way out. The partying, long hours of studying, competition and summer (internship) apart have taken their toll.
The dark reality of the MBA course is that relationships between students and their partners, especially at this time of year, can come to a sorry end. Some schools joke about “Black Monday”, the Monday following Thanksgiving, when classmates return single.
“Long-term, out-of-state relationships often dissolve that first November,” says Anne Ristau, editor-in-chief of Harvard Business School magazine.
Students and faculty warn that the rate of breakups on MBA courses could be as high as 50 per cent.
Susan Perry, a social psychologist and author of Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, confirms that graduate degrees can be as rough on a couple as having a first child.
“Both create major shifts in attitudes and values, and therefore create strain,” she says.
Relocating for a well-ranked degree can start those shifts, says Dave Wilson, president of the Graduate Management Admissions Council. He points out that on arrival at business school, only half of the couple has an immediate network and purpose. The spouse/partner often replaces an interesting career with a boring one that is less well remunerated, then winds up in a smaller flat in an unfamiliar town. Already, he adds, the scenario is stacked against the partner.
“Unless the partner can turn their job into the same kind of emotional, all-consuming enterprise like the MBA, things will be rough,” Mr Wilson says.
The workload, often 125 per cent of what a student can reasonably take, requires the student to join teams and create a network. That network soon becomes an entire social scene.
Some partners find this a heavy burden. At the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University, where my partner is in the second year of his MBA course, several spouses confided that their husbands “died” in their first year. Others say the only way they saw their partner was to show up for drinks on a Friday night.
Other intense degrees such as law and medicine also take their toll. However, experts believe the MBA culture causes deeper problems: not only is there the pressure to conform and earn a six-figure salary, there is also the neurotic need to fit in.
“Everyone falls for the same image the car, salary, job and clothes. It is all-powerful,” Ms Perry says. “It would take an extremely strong and unique individual to not get caught up with it.”
Then there is the MBA student's desire for dramatic change. Many follow a two-year, full-time course because they wish to take stock and radically alter their career. To do this they are willing to uproot their lives, relocate and plunge themselves deep into debt. Given such flux, it is no surprise that they will also scrutinise their relationships, which can subsequently become MBAcasualties. Most study for an MBA in their late 20s, a period of huge emotional upheaval not unlike a mid-life crisis, adds Ms Perry.
“If it weren't a degree they wanted then maybe the student would be changing religions,” Ms Perry says. “If the partner does not change and if communication wanes, the couple will drift apart emotionally.”
Mr Wilson wonders whether the MBA degree with its “economic macho” syndrome is particularly tricky. An MBA student believes he/she is master of the universe and there is nothing they cannot do, he says. Entire days are dedicated to eco-macho activities such as case studies that involve working closely in teams, which are then swiftly followed by the first job (or internship) when the student has to prove him/herself.
Mr Wilson points out that the real risk a student runs is that the behaviour that manifests itself during the MBA course, if seen to yield a reward that exceeded a cost, will manifest itself again.
“Your family, your children, your health are all put to the wayside,” he says. “But if the money and success is what gives you the greatest reward in life, you will always find a way to squeeze the other things out. This can be addictive.”
That the US MBA is typically two years in length, instead of one, may be another complication. The Stanford Sloan programme lasts one year. Students have eight years of work experience and are mature. Mary Garrison, who manages the course, says breakups are “extremely rare”.
However, awareness about the issue is growing. Asecond-year partner at Carnegie Mellon, Becca Cipriani, is hosting a new workshop series called “How to Stay Married and the MBA”. Psychologists discuss skills in stress management and working with non Type-A personalities highly driven and focused individuals.
Most business schools run partner groups, a great way to make friends, and some are considering offering support groups and counselling.
Due to the competition for top-paying jobs, some partners are reluctant to speak candidly. A turbulent marriage or relationship can be considered a sign of weakness and a reason to be excluded from an MBA case study team.
One former partner recalls: “You have to be very careful in what you say because of the backlash on your husband's career. There are always rumours.”
Others, such as Ms Cipriani, believe group chats could be “extremely useful”.
Others seem reflective too. When a first-year MBA student asks at Carnegie Mellon's Welcome Week whether the priority should be grades, academic performance or the job hunt, Greg Shumavon, a second year moderating the event, interjects before the professors can respond. “The first priority should not be a two-year business programme but your partner, who is potentially for life.”
MBA毕业 婚姻破裂 ?
秋季学期正处于最繁忙的阶段。一年级的工商管理硕士生（MBA）拽着书本、手提电脑以及茶杯，而二年级的人则在权衡手上的几个实习机会。有不少事值得大家借鉴。
对一些人来说，由于距离毕业还有9个月，明年就业的优厚职位接踵而来，MBA学位似乎物有所值，对还贷和就业问题的担忧开始消除。但胜果也许又甜又苦。尽管6位数的薪金、房子和名车好像都代表着一个稳定的未来，但他们的个人生活却毫无安全感。与其一同来到商学院的重要的另一半，要么已离他们而去，要么正渐行渐远。聚会、漫长的学习时间、竞争以及夏季（实习期）的分离，都危害到双方关系。
MBA课程所造成的不幸在于，学生与其伴侣间的关系可能会以悲剧收场，每年这时候尤其如此。感恩节后的星期一，同学们又都恢复了单身生活，一些学校将其戏称为“黑色星期一”。
哈佛商学院杂志主编安妮?里斯托（Anne Ristau）说：“长期的跨州分居关系常常在第一个11月破裂。”
师生们警告说，MBA学生的分手率或许高达50%。
苏珊?佩里（Susan Perry）证实，对于夫妻来说，攻读研究生学位会像拥有第一个孩子那样艰难。佩里是一位社会心理学家，著有《爱潮涌动：如何永远成为最幸福的情侣》（Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way）。
她说：“两人的看法和价值观都会出现重大变化，从而造成关系紧张。”
管理类研究生学位录取委员会(Graduate Management Admissions Council)主席戴夫?威尔逊（Dave Wilson）说，为攻读排名良好的学位而迁往异地，就可能造成这种变化。他指出，刚来商学院时，只有一半的夫妻马上就会有一个朋友圈子并确定下一步目标。那些配偶或伴侣通常是放弃了有趣的职业，代之以薪酬微薄、枯燥乏味的工作，然后住到一个陌生城镇的小公寓里。他接着说，这种情形对配偶已然不利。
威尔逊先生说：“如果配偶无法使自己的工作变成像MBA那样令人充满激情、废寝忘食的事业，处境将很艰难。”
MBA学业沉重，往往是正常学生学业总量的125%。这要求学生加入学习小组，并建立朋友圈子。这个圈子很快会成为整个社交圈。
一些伴侣发现这是个沉重的负担。我的爱人正在卡耐基－梅隆大学泰珀商学院（Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University）读MBA二年级。在那里，几位配偶倾诉道，第一年她们的丈夫都“死了。”别的人则说，只要在星期五晚上出去喝酒，她们才能见到自己的配偶。
其他一些学业紧张的学位，如法律和医学等，也会造成伤害。不过，专家相信，MBA文化引发的问题更为严重：不仅承受着要像大家一样挣6位数薪水的压力，而且还要绞尽脑汁同别人相处融洽。”
佩里女士说：“每个人都迷恋于同样的象征――汽车、薪水、工作和时装等。这是万能的。除非你有非常强的个性，否则很难随波逐流。”
于是，MBA学生开始渴望出现巨变。很多人脱产两年攻读学位，是因为他们希望总结过去，并彻底改变自己的事业。为此，他们愿意改变生活，背井离乡并且负债累累。面对这种潮流，令人毫不奇怪的是，他们也会认真考虑其夫妻关系，而这一关系可能随之成为MBA的牺牲品。佩里女士还说，大多数MBA学生都在28、29岁左右，这一时期感情波动剧烈，与中年危机有相似之处。
佩里女士说：“这些学生不可能不要学位。如果其伴侣没有变化，而且双方的交流越来越少，二人的感情将日渐疏远。”
威尔逊先生想知道，带有“经济男子气概” （economic macho）综合症的MBA学位是否尤其棘手。他说，MBA学生相信自己是万物之主，无所不能。学生们整日忙于“经济男子气概”活动，比如涉及密切的小组合作的案例研究等。随后，他们有了第一份工作（实习），这时就必须证明自己。
威尔逊先生指出，这些学生面对的真正风险在于，如果他们认为在就读MBA期间暴露出来的问题还是得大于失，那么今后还会暴露出同样的问题。
他说：“你的家庭、孩子、健康都可以放弃。但如果你把金钱和成功视为一生中最大的奖赏，你就总是会抛弃其他事情。这会让人上瘾。”
美国的MBA课程通常为两年而不是一年，这或许是另一个复杂因素。斯坦福大学的斯隆项目（Stanford Sloan programme）为期一年。学生有8年的工作经验，都很成熟。该课程的负责人玛丽?加里森（Mary Garrison）说，婚姻破裂的“极少。”
然而，这一问题正日益引发关注。卡耐基－梅隆大学一名二年级学生的伴侣贝卡?希普里亚尼（Becca Cipriani）正举办一系列称为“就读MBA期间如何保持婚姻关系”的研讨会。心理学家讨论压力管理的技巧，以及如何与非A型个性的人共事。A型个性是指那些紧迫感强、做事认真的人。
大多数商学院成立了伴侣组织，这是结交朋友的一个好办法。一些商学院还考虑设立援助组织并提供咨询服务。
由于高薪职位竞争激烈，一些伴侣不愿实话实说。如果婚姻或关系不和睦，别人会视之为软弱的表现，并以此为由将这名学生排斥在MBA案例研究小组之外。
一位曾做过MBA学生伴侣的人回忆说：“你必须对自己的言谈非常小心，因为这会对丈夫的职业造成影响。谣言无处不在。”
但希普里亚尼女士等人则认为，结伴聊天会“非常有益”。
其他人似乎也在反思。在卡耐基－梅隆大学的迎新周上，当一名一年级学生问道，今后重点应是成绩、学术表现还是找工作时，主持这一活动的二年级学生格雷格?舒马文（Greg Shumavon）抢在教授前插嘴说：“重中之重不应是两年的MBA课程，而是可能要陪伴你一生的伴侣。”
