The High Cost of Making More Money
My wife, Amy, and I recently had the opportunity to significantly increase our income.
Or, rather, Amy did. She learned of two health-care-management positions that she had a good chance of landing, and it would have meant a lot more money than she's making now.
When Amy told me about the jobs, my immediate reaction was: Go for it. We're already worried about the expenses we'll face later this year after we adopt a daughter from China. So the idea of Amy plumping her paycheck seems perfectly timed.
But as Amy and I began talking about it, the initial flush we both felt began to fade. Is this really what we want? Would Amy taking a job with greater responsibility and greater pay really be all that, well, great?
FOR BETTER OR WORSE, IT'S STILL DEBT
Debt may affect how potential mates perceive you, says Jeff D. Opdyke in his new book, "Love & Money." Read an excerpt from the book about debt and relationships. And see more in the Online Journal's series, Dealing With Debt.
As we debated the pros and cons, an image flashed in my mind: a popular bumper sticker from the late 1980s boasting that "he who dies with the most toys wins." Maybe that's true. Then again, I thought, what if you're too busy earning the toys to actually play with them? Are they still worth getting?
And most important: Is jumping at the bigger dollar always a leap to a better life?
***
For most of our marriage, I've been focused on accumulating the most wealth we can. I grew up in a family of modest means, and I always told myself I would strive for a higher station.
So I've generally encouraged Amy to take jobs that pay her the most money. More pay, after all, means an easier life.
Or does it? Sometimes, to paraphrase Bruce Springsteen, one step up actually means two steps back.
Don't get me wrong: I remain passionate about money and saving; some people might say obsessed. It's just that in thinking through the possibilities, we have realized that instead of more money making our life easier, more money could actually make our life more stressful. And possibly more expensive.
Not everyone, of course, has the luxury of choice; for some, more money isn't an option -- it's a necessity. They simply can't afford to weigh the benefits of flexibility vs. the benefits of a meatier paycheck.
But for those who can, it's clear that something really gives when you and your spouse both have jobs that are inflexible, either because of location or the hours you're expected to work. The balance you rely on to keep the family running relatively smoothly gets thrown out of kilter. Regaining that lost equilibrium comes with a price -- a price often measured not just in dollars but in frustration, inconvenience and headaches.
Several years ago, a divorced friend of mine was approached about a prestigious job with substantially more visibility and pay than the one he had. He agreed to talk to the prospective new employer, but after the initial couple of interviews, he withdrew his name from consideration.
The problem: The job he held at the time gave him and his ex-wife enormous flexibility. He could pick up the kids from school a couple of days a week, and make dinners on the nights the children were with him. He could go to all their baseball games and school plays, and accompany them on school trips.
My friend worked long hours -- but he could work a lot of those hours at home and at odd times. So he often worked late at night and early in the morning. He worked on the weekends when the kids were at their mother's house.
The new job would have meant coming into the office every day, and staying until well after the kids had come home from school. He decided it wasn't worth it.
"The money would have been wonderful to have, and there are times -- especially now that the kids are college age -- that I think about it wistfully," he says. "But I would have missed them growing up. And their mother and I would have spent a lot more time running around, stressed out, trying to squeeze everything in. It wasn't even a close call."
***
Amy and I have had to weigh similar trade-offs. I drive my son to school nearly every morning because I don't have to be at work at any certain hour. That means Amy can hit work early and put in a full day before she retrieves our son in the afternoon.
Moreover, her job's flexibility allows her to serve as lunchroom mom on assigned days, and to ferry our son to doctors' appointments or martial-arts classes or any of the random assortment of after-school commitments.
That's a huge benefit to me, and the family, because as a journalist I'm captive to the newspaper-editing process, generally a late-afternoon affair. While I structure my days to attend my son's school events and other milestones, the reality is that I commute an hour each way to work -- in good traffic -- so there's simply no way I can leave in time to fetch him from school every day. In addition, I travel relatively often and meet people for dinner in the city.
Now, consider the impact if Amy jumps into a management position. Suddenly, she would have all these extra obligations, such as staff meetings and other functions that would almost certainly clash with my work schedule. That would make our lives more difficult -- and leave our son with a baby sitter a lot more of the time.
What's more, some of that cash would flow right back out again for the sitter or a nanny. Having Amy tethered to a managerial job would only increase those costs once our daughter arrives.
***
If Amy really wanted one of these jobs, we'd find a way to make it work. And there's no question that part of her wants a higher-level, more challenging job than the one she has.
But she really loves being lunchroom mom and picking up our son from school and spending the afternoon with him. She also feels a certain comfort knowing her boss understands when a snow day closes the schools and Amy needs to take off; or that her boss has enough faith in Amy's work ethic that she doesn't mind when Amy skips out early one day to attend to some other family issue.
Why mess up all that for a few more dollars?
So in the end, I didn't press Amy to consider either job -- which was just fine with her. Because, it turns out, even when it's money you're talking about, less is sometimes more. 赚大钱的代价
我和妻子埃米(Amy)最近有了一个能大幅增加我们收入的机会。
或者说，是埃米遇到了好机会。她得知有两个医疗护理的管理职位空缺，而且她有把握只要去应聘肯定能成功，那可比她现在的薪水多多了。
当埃米告诉我这一切的时候，我的第一反应是：当然要去。今年下半年我们将从中国收养一个女儿，我们现在就在为此后的费用发愁了。所以，这个机会来的正是时候。
但当我和埃米开始商量此事时，我们最初的兴奋劲渐渐消退了。这真是我们想要的么？如果埃米承担更多担责任、挣更多薪水，就真那么好吗？
就在我们反复争论这件事的利弊的时候，我的脑海中浮现出一幅画面：上个世纪80年代时有一张很经典的汽车贴纸，上面写著："临死前拥有最多财富的人就是赢家。"。也许是没错，但如果一辈子忙于赚钱，却无福享用，那赚个金山银山又有什么意义？
最重要的是，钱多就意味著能过更好的生活么？
***
婚后大部分时光，我都只顾著尽量攒钱。由于出身贫寒，我经常告诫自己要不断努力，才能过上更好的生活。
所以我总是鼓励埃米接受那些薪水更高的工作。挣钱多了，生活当然也就更轻松。
真是这样么？照布鲁斯?史普林斯汀(Bruce Springsteen)的意思，其实有时候，往前走一步也许还不如从前。 不要误会：我还是很喜欢财富，喜欢攒钱的，甚至有人说我爱财如命。但经过对方面面的思考，我们意识到，钱多了的确可以让生活更轻松，但也会是我们的日子变得很紧张，甚至可能付出更大代价。
当然并不是所有的人都有幸去选择赚钱的多少。对有些人来说，赚更多钱根本不是或可问题，而是必须的问题。他们根本没有在是求得生活舒适和赚钱多少之间做取舍的实力。
但对于那些有实力作这样选择的人来说，如果夫妻两人的工作或因为上班地点太远或因为时间太固定而都缺乏弹性时，进行一番取舍还是有意义的。两人的工作都不灵活，那家庭正常运转的平衡局面就无法维持。而恢复平衡的代价就并非只有钱那么简单，可能还会有挫折、麻烦和各种让人头疼的问题。 几年前，我的一位已经离异的朋友曾有一个很不错的工作机会，职业前景更好而且薪水比原来的高很多。他同意先和这位雇主谈谈再做决定，然而经过前几轮面谈后，他就主动退出了。
他的问题是：他当时的工作可以使他和前妻非常灵活地安排生活。他每周都能有好几天去学校接孩子放学，晚上在家做饭，和孩子们在一起。他还可以到学校看孩子的棒球比赛以及参加其他学校的活动，同他们一起上下学。
他的工作时间很长──但很多工作都可以在家做，或者是抽空做。所以，他经常干到深夜，或是一大清早就起来工作。孩子们周末去妈妈家时，他就可以在周末工作。 但这份新工作却需要他每天按时坐班，而且可能孩子们早就放学回家了，他还必须待在办公室里。所以他觉得，这份工作不值得做。
他说，"有钱当然好，而且有时候──尤其是现在，孩子们都到了上大学的年龄──我更希望自己能有更多钱。可如果工作很忙，我就不能看著孩子们一天天长大。他们的妈妈和我就得花很多时间到处奔波，生活被搞得很紧张，拼命挤出时间做所有的事情。"
***
埃米和我也要去做类似的权衡。我的工作不定时，所以几乎每天都可以开车送儿子上学。这样，埃米就可以早点开始工作，忙完一天后下午可以到学校去接他放学。
埃米的工作也有灵活的一面。在一些学校安排的特别日子，埃米还可以去那充当午餐服务阿姨，有时能带儿子就医院看病、或送儿子上武术班；还可以应付任何其他学校的课外安排。
这对于我和这个家是个很大的好处，因为我的职业是记者，我要配合报纸的编辑程序，通常到下午会比较忙。虽然我总是抽时间参加儿子学校的活动及其他重要事件，但即使是交通比较顺畅的时候，我每天也要花一个小时往返于上下班的路上。所以，我不可能每天都有空接送孩子上下学。此外，我还经常出差，有事晚上难免吃饭应酬。
现在再来分析埃米换工作的事情。如果埃米接受这份管理层的工作，她就少不了要承担许多额外责任，比如开会等事情，肯定会与我的工作安排冲突。这样我们家的日子就难过了，儿子要交给保姆照顾的时间就可能增加很多。
这样，埃米多挣的钱都流到保姆钱包里去了。当我们的女儿来美国后，埃米换工作的代价可能还会更大。
***
如果埃米真的喜欢这种工作，我们会想办法让她如愿。毫无疑问，埃米对这份更高级别、更有挑战性的工作还是有点兴趣的。
但她很喜欢接儿子上下学，下午能和儿子在一起。埃米现在的老板对她也很好：下雪天学校停课的时候，埃米很容易请到假；老板对埃米的工作态度很肯定，所以，即使埃米有时家里有事早点下班，她的老板也并不在意。 干吗要为了那几个钱打破现在平静的日子呢？
所以最后，这两份工作我敦促埃米考虑──它们只是对她一个人合适。事实证明，虽然人们经常在谈钱，但有时候钱赚少一点也许能生活得更好
