Losing Well: How a Successful Man Dealt With a Rare and Public Failure
One day last July, in a hotel lobby in Singapore, several hundred people turned their eyes to Dan Doctoroff to see how a hugely successful man reacted at the moment he was branded a failure.
Mr. Doctoroff, a New York deputy mayor, had spent 11 years trying to land the 2012 Olympics for his city. A wealthy former investment banker, he used $4 million of his own money, traveled 500,000 miles, worked 100-hour weeks and staked his reputation on a quest that his critics dismissed as foolish and unattainable.
He had come to Singapore with Muhammad Ali, Hillary Clinton and other dignitaries to make a final presentation to the International Olympic Committee. When news broke that New York was out of the running (London got the Games), Mr. Doctoroff was standing in that lobby with the American delegation. The announcement, he says, left him feeling "knocked over" and "emotionally paralyzed." But knowing everyone was looking at him, he held himself together as he accepted hugs and condolences.
For anyone who has taken a high-profile risk that ended in defeat, Mr. Doctoroff's very public failure offers insights. How does a person so accustomed to winning deal with a crushing disappointment? And before Mr. Doctoroff decides to try again -- he doesn't rule out a bid for the 2016 Games -- what soul-searching questions must he ask?
Dan Doctoroff spent 11 years and $4 million of his own money trying to win the Olympics for New York City.
Researchers have advice for high achievers who fail: Try self-deprecating humor. Do extensive postmortems. Allow yourself to dream big again. If you fear being a two-time loser, create a team strategy, so others share the risk. And ask yourself: What was your failure? Was it not reaching your goal, or not giving your all?
After Peter Ueberroth engineered the 1984 Olympics for Los Angeles, he was Time magazine's Man of the Year. Mr. Doctoroff admits such glory would have been nice, but he has learned to identify other satisfactions from his Olympic quest. He's proud that billions of dollars in projects under way in New York grew out of the Olympics bid, from an extended subway line to an expanded convention center to new parks.
Identifying such silver linings is appropriate, says Rosabeth Moss Kanter, a Harvard Business School professor who studies leadership. "Many successful people set the bar so high that they don't achieve the distant goal. But they do achieve things that wouldn't have been possible without that bigger goal."
Mr. Doctoroff, 47 years old, made his fortune running a private-equity firm. Back then, he had few failures, but they haunted him. One investment in a drugstore chain lost $20 million, and for two years afterward, he couldn't bring himself to enter any drugstore. "It was too painful," he says, so he bought his toiletries at supermarkets.
He first dreamed of bringing the Olympics to New York while watching a 1994 World Cup soccer match at Giants Stadium. He spent years hashing out logistics, as critics argued that the Games would be a nightmare for an already gridlocked city. There was nasty bickering over the building of a stadium, and Mr. Doctoroff was called arrogant by adversaries. (Mayor Michael Bloomberg named him a deputy mayor in 2001. Both men take $1 a year in salary.)
Mr. Doctoroff says the Olympics process changed him. He had been a hothead, who compensated by counting how many days he could go without losing his temper. But wooing Olympic decision makers in 78 countries, he learned to listen more and talk less. Dealing with critics, he had to recalibrate his brashness. It made him more patient, he says.
After the Olympic defeat, Mr. Doctoroff sensed that some people pitied him, or feared approaching him because they didn't know what to say. "In a perverse way," he says, "having had both my parents die recently prepared me for this. I understood the rhythm of loss."
The losing bid also allowed him to see how supportive his wife and three teenage children could be. His absences from home had been stressful for his family. But on the plane back from Singapore, his daughter, then 14, was "so incredibly sensitive," he says. "Her affection and obvious pride were very powerful for me."
The next month, he took his wife on vacation to Elba, the Italian island where Napoleon was exiled in 1814. In December, his wife gave him "the one pass after 25 years of marriage," and allowed him to travel by himself for five days to Chile. Wanting to think through his life, and challenge himself physically, he took a 200-mile solo bike ride. On one 12-mile uphill climb, he doubted he had the strength to finish, but he did. After not reaching the Olympic finish line, this was a meaningful victory.
He gave himself another test when he traveled to Turin for the Winter Olympics. Just a spectator, he wondered if he'd feel resentful or depressed. He was relieved that he enjoyed being there.
Should Mr. Doctoroff bid on the 2016 Games? Before trying again after failing, Prof. Kanter says, people must ask: Is there still evidence that the dream makes sense? Are you gaining or losing support? Is there more or less competition now? And are you so enthralled with your own abilities that you're unrealistically optimistic?
These days, Mr. Doctoroff bikes around New York, passing sites where the Olympics would have been. He won't commit to another go at the Games. But his decision surely will be weighed against what he calls his personal philosophy: "The only way to ensure you'll lose is not to try."
失败的启示
去年7月的一天，在新加坡一家酒店的大堂里，几百号人同时将目光转向了丹?多克托洛夫(Dan Doctoroff)，人们想知道，这位一直极为成功的人士在那个宣告他遭遇重大失败的时候会作何反应。
身为纽约市副市长的多克托洛夫为让他的城市获得2012年奥运会主办权已经努力了11个年头。这位富有的前投资银行家为了一项批评他的人认为愚蠢且不会实现的目标花费了400万美元个人资金、行程500,000英里、每周工作100小时，甚至不惜牺牲自己的名誉。
此前，他带著拳王阿里(Muhammad Ali)、前第一夫人希拉里(Hillary Clinton)和其他一些显要人物来到新加坡，在国际奥委会面前作最后陈述。在整个申办活动的最后一刻，当宣布纽约最终出局（伦敦赢得了主办权）的消息后，多克托洛夫正和美国代表团的成员们一起在酒店大堂里。
后来多克托洛夫说，这个消息犹如五雷轰顶，让他目瞪口呆。但他知道每个人都在看著他，于是他强行镇静下来，接受人们的拥抱和安慰。
对那些冒著人所共知的巨大风险而最终大败而归的人来说，多克托洛夫所遭遇的公开的失败提供了启示。一个一向无往而不胜的人如何面对近乎毁灭性的打击？在决定再次申请后一届奥运会主办权之前（他并未排除申办2016年奥运会），他必须问自己哪些涉及灵魂深处的问题？
研究人员对那些遭遇失利的曾经的辉煌人士有如下建议：试著自我解嘲。做详细的事后检讨。再设立一个远大目标。如果你惧怕再次摔倒，那就设计一个团队策略，让其他人分担你的风险。还要问问自己：究竟败在哪里？仅仅是没有实现自己的目标，还是你没有全力以赴？
帮助洛杉矶主办1984年夏季奥运会的尤伯罗斯(Peter Ueberroth)后来成为美国《时代》杂志(Time)评选的当年风云人物。多克托洛夫承认，这样的荣誉固然令人羡慕，但他逐步意识到申办奥运还带来了其他的一些收获。例如，申奥带动的耗资数十亿美元的项目仍在进行中，其中包括扩建纽约地铁、会议中心、建设新公园等等，这让他非常骄傲。
研究领袖学的哈佛大学商学院教授罗萨贝斯?莫斯?坎特(Rosabeth Moss Kanter)说，认可失败中的成功亮点的做法是必要的。他说，许多成功人士把标杆定得太高，最终没能达到。但他们在努力过程中仍做出了很大成就，如果不是有这些远大目标的激励，这些成就是不可能取得的。
47岁的多克托洛夫最早是从经营私人资本运营公司起家的。那时候他也遇到过为数不多的几次挫折，但这些挫折一直困扰著他。他在一个连锁便利店项目上的投资亏损了2,000万美元，在那之后的两年里，他几乎再也不敢走进任何一家便利店。他回忆说，当时真是太痛苦了，因为这一点，他只能到远处的超市买洗漱用品。
1994年，在新泽西的巨人体育场看世界杯足球赛时，他第一次萌发了在纽约举办奥运会的念头。他用了好几年的时间琢磨纽约后勤服务的问题，因为批评他的想法的人认为，那样一个重大赛事对纽约这样一座已经严重拥堵的城市来说将不啻是一场恶梦。在体育馆建筑问题上也发生了激烈的争吵，多克托洛夫因此被对手称为傲慢的家伙。（2001年，多克托洛夫被纽约市长布隆伯格任命为副市长。他们两人的年薪均为1美元。）
多克托洛夫说，申办奥运的过程改变了他。以前他一直是一个性急的人，经常要逼迫自己再忍耐些、别发脾气。但在向78个国家的奥委会官员游说的过程中，他学会了少说多听。为了对付批评人士，他不得不收敛自己的急脾气。他说，申奥让他变得更耐心了。
申奥失败后，多克托洛夫感觉到有些人很同情他，或因为不知道该说些什么而不敢接近他。他说，那之前不久他的双亲先后过世，那彷佛是上天有意安排的、让他对后来的挫折预先有所准备。虽然这种安排很不公平。
这次挫折也让他看到他的太太和三个十几岁大的孩子能给他带来何等的支持。长期不能在家使得他与家人的关系一直很紧张。但在从新加坡返回美国的飞机上，他14岁的女儿变得出奇的体贴。他说，她的亲情和难以掩饰的自豪对我是巨大的安抚。
接下来的那个月，他带妻子到意大利埃尔巴岛度假，那里是拿破仑1814年遭流放的地方。12月份，他妻子在结婚25年之后第一次同意他单独行动，答应让他独自到智利旅行5天。多克托洛夫有一段一个人骑著自行车走了200英里，他想在这一路上好好感悟一下自己的人生，并挑战自己的体能。路上有一处是12英里的上坡，他一开始怀疑自己恐怕没有力气骑上去，但最后还是成功了。虽然在申奥的路上他没能成功抵达终点，但这一次他赢了，而且，对他而言，这也是一次很有意义的胜利。
在这次到都灵参加冬季奥运会期间，他又给自己出了另一个试题。他想知道，在奥运会上只能坐在观众席上是否会让他觉得愤恨或者沮丧。结果让他感到很欣慰，因为实际上他在那里感到很愉快。
多克托洛夫应不应该再申办2016年奥运会呢？坎特教授说，遭遇失败的人在再次尝试前必须问自己这样一个问题：是否还有什么事能表明当初的梦想仍有意义？对你的支持更多了还是更少了？现在的竞争更激烈了，还是有所减弱？你是否对自己的能力过于迷信，以致于不切实际地感到乐观？
这些天来，多克托洛夫骑车环绕纽约城时会路过曾规划建设奥运会场馆的地方。他不一定会再参与申办奥运的工作了。不过，他的决定肯定会与他所宣称的人生哲学相抵触──他曾说：不尝试就一定会失败。
