How to Unplug Your Kids
Eavesdropping is a rite of childhood and a path to adulthood that too many kids today are missing out on.
"When I was a child, one of the ways that you learned to be an adult was to overhear parents' conversations -- at home, in the car, at the beach," says David Pesanelli, 67 years old, of Rockville, Md. These days, kids with iPod or DVD headphones jammed into their ears are missing out on a lot of juicy stuff -- and a window into adult life.
That is just one of the observations sent by readers in response to my recent column about why kids today have been labeled "the connected generation." I wrote that children's embrace of cellphones and computers often leaves them disconnected from the wider world, and from Mom and Dad. Scores of parents, teens and researchers have since weighed in with advice:
Unplug your kids. Today's kids are literally and figuratively "over-wired," says Susan Behuniak, a political-science professor at Le Moyne College in Syracuse, N.Y., who studies the problem. She points to cellphone ad campaigns that bombard children with the message to "stay connected." The ads are designed to make people feel they must be accessible 24 hours a day.
Yes, technology is changing the world in many positive ways. Drew Stern, a University of Maryland freshman, wrote that there are countless young people who are "engaged, concerned and informed" thanks to communities they have built through high-tech devices.
Still, Dr. Behuniak argues that the ability to think and be reflective is threatened if you live a life with no moments of solitude and silence. "People plugged into other people's voices have difficulty hearing their own voice."
She proposes that schools ratchet back the electronic intrusions they've added to classrooms, and create "quiet time" in classes and dorms, so students can purposely unplug and learn to be silent.
Don't let your kids be tech loners. In previous generations, incoming college freshmen focused great energy on making new friends. But today's students get to campus, plug in their computers, charge up their cellphones and stay in constant touch with pals back home, observes Glenn Sparks, a communications professor at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind.
Rather than make an effort to meet new people, freshmen too often chat online with old friends, play videogames or cruise familiar Internet sites. Eventually, they may find themselves isolated and depressed, warns Dr. Sparks.
Be the parent. Many readers shared common-sense household tech rules: Keep TVs out of kids' bedrooms, and keep computers in common areas, facing the center of the room so parents can have a sense of what's on the screen.
If you allow kids unsupervised Internet access, "you might as well haul Jimmy or Sally down to the local watering hole to observe," wrote Jennifer Jaeger, 40, of Emerald Isle, N.C.
Instead of pointing fingers at technology, parents should accept responsibility, wrote Michael Wagg, 27, of New York. "I'm troubled when I hear blame for behavior assigned to things like a lack of funding for education, inadequate government programs, big business, peer pressure or videogames. Although I went through adolescence during the pervasive rise of the Internet in the '90s, I was raised to believe that instilling proper values in children starts at home."
Engage your kids. I wrote about how kids "techno-task" with several gadgets at once. Gwen Bland Cohen of Ardmore, Pa., encourages her two teens to try more old-fashioned pursuits. The other day, she worked with them on a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle while listening to a hockey game on the radio. "That's my kind of multi-tasking," she says. She'll also spread a newspaper out on the breakfast table and discuss news, sports and editorials with her kids as they eat.
She believes we all can play a role in raising and encouraging each other's children: "My kids are always embarrassed when I ask their friends, 'What book are you reading now?' I am usually thrilled with the response, even if it's a book from the required-reading list."
Take a stand. One New Jersey mother wrote to say that in September, her 14-year-old daughter logged 6,740 minutes on her cellphone and traded 1,725 text messages. The cost: $484. (This was on the new phone her parents bought her. The girl had worn out the numbers and letters on her old phone.)
This month, Mom finally exploded. She confiscated the cellphone and decided her daughter would have to pay off the bill herself -- by earning $10 an hour cleaning the house, including the toilets. "It may get loud and it may get tearful," the mother told me, "but I am determined to stick to my guns."
如何让孩子的生活不插电
偷听别人谈话是童年时代的一个仪式，也是通向成年的一条途径，而现在的许多孩子都错失了这样的机会。
67岁的戴维?佩萨尼利(David Pesanelli)说，“在我小时候，偷听家长谈话是学会当个大人的一个方法──偷听的地点可以是家里、车上或是在沙滩。”而如今，耳朵里塞著iPod或DVD耳机的孩子们错过了许多这样生动有趣的事情──也错过了这样一扇开向成年生活的窗户。
我在最近的一篇专栏文章里谈到了为什么管现在的孩子叫“互联的一代”。而上面的内容就是读者对此文的一条反馈。在那篇文章里我谈到了：孩子们和手机、电脑的亲密接触却让他们脱离了更广阔的世界，脱离了爸爸和妈妈。许多父母、青少年，还有研究人员于是开始建言献策：
让孩子们的生活不插电。
莱莫恩学院(Le Moyne College)的政治学教授苏珊?别胡涅克(Susan Behuniak)致力于这个问题的研究。她说：现在的孩子从内到外地被“电线过度缠绕了”，手机广告用“保持联系”的广告语对准孩子们狂轰滥炸。这些广告让人觉得有必要使自己能一天24小时随时被别人联系到。
没错，科技让这个世界变得越来越精彩。马里兰大学(University of Maryland)一年级学生德鲁?斯特恩(Drew Stern)写道：因为有通过高科技通讯设施建立的社区，数不清的年轻人能“忙忙碌碌却互相关心、时刻交流”。
不过，别胡涅克仍表示，如果生活没有一刻闲暇和安静，那么你可能会丧失思考的能力。“倾听别人的声音会让你忽略自己的感受。”
她建议学校逐步减少安插在教室中的电子设备，为课堂和宿舍创造一个“安静的氛围”，让学生们可以有意识地拔掉电源，学会如何安静地学习。
不要让你的孩子变成科技孤儿。
普度大学(Purdue University)传播学教授格伦?斯帕克斯(Glenn Sparks)说，过去的大学新生花很多精力结识新朋友。但现在的学生来到学校后，却是打开电脑、充好手机电池，然后时刻和家乡的朋友保持联系。
大学新生不去认识新朋友，而是花很多时间和老朋友在网上聊天、玩电脑游戏或者在熟悉的网站上消遣。斯帕克斯教授警告说，这样做的最终结果是，他们自己可能会变得孤独而情绪低落。
承担起家长的责任。
许多读者都知道一个家庭常识：不要把电视放在孩子的卧室里，把电脑放在公共区域，并且让屏幕向外，这样父母可以知道孩子在看什么。
如果你允许孩子上一些缺乏监督的网站，“那你也可以拉上吉米或者萨莉去酒吧看看了”，40岁的詹尼弗?耶格(Jennifer Jaeger)这样写道。
27岁的纽约人迈克尔?瓦格(Michael Wagg)写道，家长们不该对科技横加指责，而是该承担起应尽的责任。“每当我听到人们将青少年的不当行为归咎于缺少教育资金、政府相关项目太少、社会大环境、来自同龄人的影响或者电脑游戏的时候，我总是很困惑。虽然我的青春期正赶上20世纪90年代互联网蓬勃兴起的时候，但父母让我认识到正确的价值观是从家庭开始培养起来的。”
让孩子们有事情可做。
我写过一篇孩子们如何应用多件小装置一次应付“多种科技任务”的事。格温?布兰德?科恩(Gwen Bland Cohen)鼓励她两个十几岁的孩子尝试一些过去人们玩的游戏。几天前，她和两个孩子边听广播里转播的曲棍球比赛，边拼一个有1000块的拼图。她说，“这就是我所谓的多种任务。”她还在早餐的餐桌上打开报纸，和孩子们一边吃饭一边讨论新闻、体育和社论文章。
她认为在培养和鼓励他人孩子的问题上，我们都可以发挥作用。“当我问我孩子们的朋友‘你们现在在读什么书？’，我的孩子们总会很尴尬，因为我对那些孩子的回答总是表现得很惊讶，即便他们读的只是些老师推荐的书。”
表明立场。
一个来自新泽西州的母亲写信给我说，她14岁的女儿在9月份打了6,740分钟的电话，发了1,725条短信。花费：484美元。（这是在父母给她新买的电话上的记录。旧电话上的字母和数字键已经被她磨平了。）
这个月，母亲终于爆发了。她没收了女儿的手机，告诉她要自付电话费──方法是打扫房间，包括卫生间，每小时10美元。这位母亲告诉我，“她可能会大哭大闹，但我决意坚持这个决定。”
