Hiring Someone Else To Potty-Train Your Kids, Teach Them to Ride a Bike
It has come to this: It is now possible to outsource most aspects of parenting.
The burgeoning industry of services aimed at harried parents, which began with the likes of birthday-party packages at gyms and pizza shops, has expanded to the point where you can now hire someone to assist with everything from potty-training your toddler to getting your teenage daughter to agree to a passably modest prom dress. "Fussy baby" services in Chicago, Denver, Brooklyn and Oakland, Calif., help comfort shrieking babies. In the New York suburbs, an entrepreneur has built a flourishing business by taking over one of the most timeless parental rituals of all: For $60 an hour he teaches kids to ride a bike.
"Childwork, as I would call it, is one of our economy's growth industries, as affluent parents try to balance work and family, deal with ever intensifying anxieties, and give their kids a leg up in the race for success," says Steven Mintz , a historian at the University of Houston, who specializes in childhood.
The phenomenon comes amid a growing and widely publicized body of literature -- essays, novels, Web blogs -- about the difficulties and dark side of parenthood, particularly motherhood. Many reflect the feelings of affluent, professional women who are accustomed to having control of their own success -- and find themselves uncharacteristically flummoxed by sleep deprivation, tantrums and other unscripted moments of parenting.
Parents like these, who come out of a workplace culture that brings in the "experts" to tackle any problem, are sometimes inclined to seek out similar expertise in their family life. It is the same mentality that leads parents to enroll 2-year-olds in art classes (a booming business these days), instead of scribbling with them at the kitchen table, or to hire a batting coach for their Little Leaguer instead of playing catch with him in the backyard. "I think almost every parent in my neck of woods would hire a batting coach," Mr. Mintz says.
During the past year, the Soho Parenting Center in New York has experienced a 50% increase in the number of parents coming in for "consultations" on a range of classic parenting challenges, including getting the baby to sleep through the night, cajoling the toddler to eat his vegetables, and -- one of the most popular of all -- potty-training. The cost is usually $185 for an hour-long session, $350 for the session plus a week of e-mail follow-ups. "There's just so much worry," says Lisa Spiegel, the center's co-director.
It starts with birth. Over the past five years, Nannies & More, a nationwide child-care service, has seen a tripling in its placements of baby nurses, women who live in your home for a few weeks to help with a newborn. After those early days, you can turn to a new profession: a parent coach, who for about $75 per hour will do such things as help you say "no."
While many parents wouldn't dream of paying for such services and prefer to stick with the time-honored tradition of winging it, others consider them a godsend. Sarah Cunningham, a 34-year-old first-time mother in Brooklyn, was driven to near despair by her infant son's incessant crying. Her pediatrician said the baby had colic and would outgrow it. But when nothing -- not rocking, not fresh air, not running the vacuum cleaner or carrying him around in a sling -- calmed him, she called a firm called Fussy Baby Support Services. The founders, an occupational therapist and a clinical social worker, spent 2? hours observing the baby at home. They concluded he was over-stimulated, then taught her a more comforting way to hold him and ways to make his surroundings more soothing. "He is much better than he was," Ms. Cunningham says with clear relief.
One of the allures of parenting services is they help avert some of the exasperating confrontations of childrearing. Annie Kramer of Armonk, N.Y., recalls when her husband tried to teach their older daughter how to ride a bike. "It was horrible: Fighting, 'You're not listening,' 'You're not paying attention.' " They gave up. Then, they heard of Aresh Mohit, who built a business, now called High 5, teaching bike-riding (and other sports) to kids. He taught two of the Kramers' three kids to ride in one day.
Indeed, Mr. Mohit finds part of the secret to his success is getting the parents out of the way. "I say, 'It's really up to you, but they'll do better if you don't stay,' " he says.
Personal shoppers at Macy's find mothers often turn to them not only to help select back-to-school wardrobes but also to defuse tension over the appropriateness of an outfit. "There's no question" that the girls are more malleable when mom isn't around, says Linda Lee, who runs the personal-shopping service of Macy's East.
Because parent-child relationships can be loaded, an outsider may engender more obedience. But abdicating all the disagreeable moments may make for a more sterile bond between parent and child. "You lose some things in the fabric of your relationship," says Alan Hilfer, a child psychologist at Maimonides Medical Center.
Lisa Jacobson, chief executive of Inspirica, a tutoring and test-preparation service based in Boston and New York, was sitting on her front porch, one evening and heard the classic tones of a mother-daughter showdown over homework coming from her neighbor's house. She went over and encountered the two in a roomful of scattered papers. A new arm of her business SOS -- that's Study and Organizational Skills -- was born. It helps clean and organize kids' rooms (or other study areas) so they can do homework efficiently.
把照顾孩子的种种麻烦外包出去！
可以这么说，现在照看孩子的大部分工作都可以外包出去了。
这指的是为那些腾不出时间照看子女的父母提供相应服务的行业。刚开始的时候是在体育馆和比萨店为孩子们安排生日聚会，现在已经发展到从教一个刚学走路的孩子上卫生间，到说服一个青春期的女孩接受一套不过分花哨的舞会礼服，无所不包的新兴行业了。“烦人的宝宝”这项服务已经在芝加哥、丹佛、布鲁克林和加州奥克兰等地兴起，安抚那些惊声尖叫、哭闹不休的婴儿。在纽约郊外，一位企业家创办了一项门庭若市的业务，教孩子骑自行车，每小时收费60美元。
“儿童工作──我看这个名字合适──已经成为一项增长性行业。富有家庭的父母们都在竭尽全力平衡工作和家庭，应对前所未有的焦虑，还想给孩子们日后的成就助一臂之力。”休斯敦大学历史学家史蒂芬?明茨(Steven Mintz)说，他专门研究童年课题。
这一现象之所以产生的社会背景是，讨论身为父母，尤其是作为母亲的种种困难和无助的评论、小说，甚至网络日记纷纷问世，这个问题日益引起了人们的关注。许多文章都反映了收入不错的职业妇女在生育后遇到的种种莫名的心理混乱和惶恐不安，失眠、暴躁易怒和其他难以描述的体验时有发生，而这些女性已经习惯于掌控自己的职业生涯和成功的道路，对此未免手足无措。
这样的父母对职场规则习以为常，遇到难题就会请“专家”来解决。所以，一旦家庭生活出了问题，他们有时也会自然而然地寻求类似的专家帮助。也是出于同样的思路，这些父母会把自己刚刚两岁的孩子送到幼儿艺术班学习（这也是最近颇为时兴的行业），而不是陪著孩子在餐桌边涂涂抹抹；或者为孩子专门请一位棒球教练，而不是陪著孩子在后院学习击球。明茨说：“我看我周围的父母大都会给孩子请一位棒球教练。”
去年一年，纽约的Soho Parenting中心接待的前来咨询求教的父母人数就激增50%。咨询的都是一系列常见的养育问题，包括如何在夜里哄孩子入睡，哄劝刚学走路的孩子自己吃饭等等，最常问到的就是教会孩子控制大小便。通常1个小时的课程收费185美元，如果随后追加一周的电子邮件跟踪咨询，费用就会增加到350美元。该中心的联席主管丽莎?斯皮格尔(Lisa Spiegel)说，麻烦就是多得不得了。
业务从生育开始。五年来，全国性儿童护理服务机构Nannies & More派出的月嫂就增加了两倍。月嫂会在婴儿出生后到客户家里住几周，帮忙照顾婴儿。月嫂走了以后，父母可以寻求新的专业帮助：父母教练。这些教练每小时收费大约75美元，会教给你种种技巧，包括如何向孩子说“不”。
虽然许多父母从未想过要花钱得到这类服务，他们更愿意遵循古老的传统，麻烦来时灵机一动，随时应付。但还是有人觉得这种服务不啻是天赐的祝福。莎拉?科宁汉姆(Sarah Cunningham)是布鲁克林一位34岁的初产妇，初生婴儿彻夜不停的哭啼差点让她崩溃。儿科医生说孩子得了疝气，长大点就好了。但孩子无论如何都不肯安静下来，不管是把他抱在怀里摇啊拍啊，还是呼吸新鲜空气，不管是开动吸尘器，还是放进吊篮哄，一概无济于事。无奈，莎拉找到Fussy Baby Support Services，这家机构的创办人──一位职业疗法医师、一位临床社会工作者──到她家里对孩子仔细观察了两个半小时，最后得出结论：他受惊了。然后教了莎拉几招，怎样用更温柔的方式抱孩子，如何安排周围的环境，让孩子更感到安慰舒心。莎拉说，“他现在好多了”，明显大松了一口气。
这门生意之所以大受欢迎，是因为它能转移一些父母同孩子之间的激烈冲突。纽约州Armonk的安妮?克莱默(Annie Kramer)回忆起她丈夫教大女儿学骑车时候的样子，“太可怕了，俩人简直在打架。‘你根本不听！’、‘一点儿也不上心！’”。只好放弃了。后来听说阿瑞什?莫希特(Aresh Mohit)开了一个名为High 5的班，专门教孩子们学骑车。克莱默夫妇的三个孩子有两个都是跟他学的，只用了一天。
实际上，莫希特发现他成功的秘诀之一：让父母走开。“我（跟那些父母）说，‘由你们决定，但如果你们不在场，孩子们往往都能骑得更好。’”
Macy's的个性购物陪同发现，前来求助的母亲并不只是要他们帮忙挑选孩子们返校的服装，也往往借助他们的力量弥合母子/母女关于哪件才算合理外出服装的分歧。“毫无疑问”，妈妈不在身边女孩们会更听话，在Macy's East提供个性化购物陪同服务的琳达?李(Linda Lee)说。
父母和子女的关系有时会变得过于紧张，外人介入可能会缓和气氛，解决冲突。但Maimonides医疗中心的儿童心理学家艾伦?希尔弗(Alan Hilfer)说，一有分歧就向外求助会让父母和子女的关系变得日益疏远。
丽莎?雅各布松(Lisa Jacobson)是家庭辅导兼备考服务机构Inspirica的首席执行长。有一天傍晚，她坐在自家门坎上，听到隔壁母女为家庭作业引起的争吵。她走过去，看到邻居房间里纸张散乱一地，突然心生一念，创办了一项新业务──Study and Organizational Skills──简称为SOS，专门帮孩子们整理房间（或者其他学习的地方），好让孩子们做起家庭作业来更专心致志。
